


Fix You

by ckenn456



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Danger, Drama, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Porn With Plot, Psychological Drama, Relationship(s), Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-02-28 15:12:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2737280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ckenn456/pseuds/ckenn456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor and Rose give in to their feelings under extreme circumstances. Once. But the repercussions of their actions could destroy lives, namely their own. They never thought, never dreamed, that their feelings could put their lives in danger. The Doctor, fearful of what they have to lose, searches desperately for a solution. Rose becomes aware of the Doctor's deepest fears, and is determined to fix him - even if it means giving up her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Injection

Rose drummed the fingers of her right hand against the arm of the chair she was sitting in while holding a book in the other, trying and failing to get lost in the pages. She sighed, looking over her shoulder at the door of the TARDIS, the same door through which the Doctor had left nearly three hours ago. He had told her not to worry - they were in 29th century London, and he was dealing with a gang of humans who had gotten a hold of alien technology that they shouldn’t have. He insisted she stay in the TARDIS simply because it wouldn’t be that exciting of a mission and he also didn’t want them getting at any more alien tech - namely the TARDIS. But still, she wasn’t sure it should be taking him so long. 

Just as she had almost made up her mind to go outside the TARDIS to look around, the doors burst open and she jumped up. The doctor rushed in, slamming the doors behind him, racing for the control panel and immediately starting the TARDIS up. Rose stood, watching him racing around the controls.

“Doctor?” She took in the extra messniness of his hair and the flushed tone of his skin. “Did it go all right? Where are we going?” 

“Into the vortex, we’re going to park for a while…” His eyebrows furrowed further as he went to the other side of the console, furiously typing in commands and throwing switches.

Rose put her book in the chair and walked over to stand next to the console, but as she did, he rushed to the other side. “Doctor? Is everything all right?” She was starting to get concerned at his behavior - it was unlike him not to come back from a successful mission all smile, insisting they go somewhere nice to celebrate. Very rarely did he manuver the TARDIS into the vortex to idle. Something about him seemed off. She walked over to where he stood, and as soon as she reached to touch his arm, he tensed, jerking away from the console and running down the hall.

Rose felt annoyance flood through her. He couldn’t just run off and not tell her if something was wrong. She stalked him to his bedroom, the one part of the TARDIS she had only glimpsed a few times. “Doctor, wait!” She shoved her hand out just as he was shutting the door, and he stopped, centimetres from shutting her fingers in the doorjam. 

“Rose…” His eyes wouldn’t meet hers, which angered her further. 

“Tell me what happened,” she demanded. 

“I can’t right now…” She heard a tension in his voice that she had never heard before. The veins and tendons of his neck were standing out, and his hands were balled into tight fists. 

Rose pushed at the door, opening it against his grip, but he retreated from her. “Doctor, please, what happened?”

He took a sharp breath. “I handled them, they were making drugs with alien tech, I destroyed everything, but they managed to inject me with a high level of oxytocin, so high that I’m having trouble staving off the impulses that come with it.”

“But you’ll be all right, won’t you?”

“I’ll be fine, once I manage to get my levels within normal range, but that won’t be for at least twelve hours.”

“Twelve hours!” Rose stepped forward, her former annoyance giving way to concern. She reached out, but the Doctor hissed, retreating further into his room.

“Rose, you have to get out of here.”

She shook her head. “No, I’m not leaving you like this, I can’t. Let me help you, what can I do?”

“Rose…” Her name seemed to tear itself up from his throat. His eyes looked up and locked with hers, and she was immediately frozen by their intensity. She could feel her heart begin to pound. The gaze she was receiving reminded her of a hunter looking at its prey. Her thoughts ceased to make sense, and she could feel her knees becoming weak. “Rose, you can’t be here.”

“And why the bloody hell not?” She demanded, returning the gaze with a demanding but less effective version. 

Suddenly he had crossed the room and was standing less than an inch away from her. Every hair on her body immediately raised, drawing her closer to him. A haze formed in her mind and though she tried to fight it off, she was completely aware of his proximity to her and how badly she wanted to close the distance between them. His eyes held hers, and their intensity only increased. She felt his deep breaths hitting the cool skin of her neck, the feeling intoxicating…

“Rose, do you know what oxytocin does? What instincts it triggers? Specifically in Time Lords? It triggers our sexual desire more than anything. And levels as high as the ones my hearts are pumping right now make it hard to think rationally. Make it hard not to…” His voice trailed off as his thoughts did, but he shook his head, taking a step back. “You need to go.”

“No.”

“Rose…”

“No!” She took a step into his room, which sent him retreating backwards. “I’m not just going to leave you, I want to help you, just tell me what you need…” She looked down at his fists, still curled into balls. “You’re obviously in pain, and you can’t ask me to just leave you like this.”

“Rose, leave.”

“NO!” She turned and slammed his bedroom door shut, and he slammed himself into the far wall.

“Rose, you don’t know what you just did!”

“I shut a door, Doctor. Because I’m not letting you shut me out!”

“Rose, I told the TARDIS to lock my door until my oxytocin levels are back in normal range. There’s no getting out of this room until they go down, and you just…”

“I locked myself in here with you, so what?”

“ROSE!” He yelled, and she jumped, finally startled. “You have no idea how painful this is...the urges I’m trying to control right now, how badly it hurts to barely hang on...that’s why I wanted the door locked, to keep me away from you so that I didn’t...I couldn’t…”

It finally clicked in her mind. He was turned on to the max, and her presence only made it worse. She reached out her hand, but jerked it back to her side. “I just wanted...to help…”

“You’ve helped enough, Rose.” He sank down to sit on the edge of his bed, and she could hear his short, shallow breaths as he refused to look at her. 

“I’m sorry…” She felt her throat closing, heat welling up behind her eyes. She’d managed to hurt the Doctor, cause more problems for him. She always seemed to cause more trouble for him than he would have without her. She swallowed thickly, and her eyes caught the doorway to his bathroom. She opened her mouth to speak before deciding against it, and quietly slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, hoping that the lack of her presence would help him. 

She stepped into his walk-in shower and sat down on the cool tile of the shower floor, drawing her knees up. She tried to suppress the tears, but she couldn’t help but think of how she had, once again, ended up making a bigger mess. She caused him pain, the one thing she didn’t want more than anything. Not only that but, and this was a reaction she couldn’t fully make sense of, she felt hurt that he would rather be in pain than ask her to help him...knowing that the help he needed would be of the physical nature. He would rather be in pain than to let her touch him, to try and ease the burden of the chemicals racing through his blood…

She covered her mouth before she could let out a sob, still confused at her own reaction. She knew he didn’t see her as anything more than a friend, a companion to travel across time and space with. But at the same time, she couldn’t help the feelings she had towards him, and her heart’s wish that he felt the same. She couldn’t deny that she loved him. Which is why her heart broke at the knowledge that she was hurting him.

Hot tears rushed down her cheeks as the thought entered her head : What if he wants me to leave for good?

The Doctor attempted to relax his muscles after he heard his bathroom door close. He fought against each individual muscle to unclench, the chemicals in his bloodstream unwilling to abate. He pushed harder, wanting to at least be able to talk to Rose, to apologize, to explain that it was only the effects of the oxytocin. He hadn’t meant to be harsh, but she had no clue how hard he had to work to keep from jumping on top of her, ripping her clothes off, making her soft flesh respond to his touch…

He groaned lightly as he pushed away the images that made his muscles tense harder and sent his hearts pounding even harder. He tried to think of something else, but he couldn’t - he could only think of her. So he slowly let his mind reach out, letting his body reach towards hers on a different level. Slowly, he began to feel her pulse running down the hairs of his arms. Her heart rate was elevated...and her breathing was off…

All thoughts of her naked body were thrust into the corner of his mind as concern took center stage. His ears picked up a small sob from the bathroom, even though it was obviously muffled by something, perhaps the sleeve of her jumper...He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but could he really have hurt her that badly?

He was torn between staying exactly where he was at, where she was safe, and going to see if she was all right. He wasn’t sure he could control himself, but he couldn’t let her cry…

He slowly allowed his muscles to move, to carry him to the door of the bathroom. His hand itched to twist the doorknob, but as his heart pounded, he knew he wasn’t strong enough to resist being so close to her soft white skin, to keep from pressing his lips against hers…

The Doctor shook his head again, trying to concentrate. “Rose?” he said lightly, trying to keep his voice soft and steady.

“I’m sorry,” he barely heard her whisper, maybe not even meant for him to hear. He felt his resolve weaken at the light sound of her pain-filled voice, but he kept his hands firmly at his sides.

“Please, Rose, you’re fine, I just don’t want to end up hurting you. I’ve never dealt with anything this high in my bloodstream, and I don’t want to risk my urges getting the best of me.” He paused, listening for her to respond. The only thing he could hear was the sound of her hitched breathing and drumming heart. His hand reached up against his will to touch the cool metal of the door. “Rose? Please, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I hurt you,” she whispered, and he heard her voice shaking.

“Oh, Rose. I’ll be okay. Few hours, and I’ll be back in tip-top shape. We could get some supper at that diner in 2314 that you liked so much…” He heard a sob burst from her lips and he opened the door before he could stop himself, feeling the burn of the oxytocin as it gained a few milliseconds of freedom. She was sitting in his shower, her face buried in her hands. He inhaled, and the scent of her skin, her hair, it nearly intoxicated him. He clenched his fists again, trying to maintain his focus.

“Rose…” he whispered, kneeling down in the doorway. 

“Go away, I don’t want you to be hurting because of me,” she murmured.

“Now I’m the one not leaving you, Rose. You can’t help this, but I can. I didn’t mean to be harsh. It’s hard to control my baser impulses with this much oxytocin in my body, and I don’t want to end up being unable to control it and hurting you or...forcing you…” He swallowed hard as the image of him pressing her up against the wall entered his mind, and he fought it back as quickly as it had come.

“What if I want you to?” Her voice was barely a breath, and he wasn’t even sure he heard her correctly until she lifted her head, tear-soaked eyes gazing into his. “What if I want you to, just knowing it would help you? You wouldn’t, would you?”

“Rose…” His breathing hitched again, and his hands felt like heavy magnets being pulled to her, and he could feel his control slipping at each word that passed her sweet lips.

“No. You wouldn’t. Because all I seem to do lately is hurt you or make things difficult.” He watched another tear fall down her cheek, and pain ripped through his chest.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t care.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t care.”

“Bloody hell, Rose, I’m trying to protect you!” He stood up, ready to retreat again, but she stood just as quickly.

“Stop trying to protect me. You think you’ll hurt me, but I know you won’t. You’ll try to keep me safe even if it distracts you from whatever mission I’ve managed to screw up!” She took a step forward, and he matched it with a step backward. “Stop trying to protect me, Doctor. Don’t shut me out. Please.” She took another step, and he tried to lift his foot but was unable. The smell of her skin was stronger, and it filled his mind. He knew, somewhere deep inside him, that she was right - he wasn’t sure he could hurt her, but he didn’t exactly want to experiment. He was physically stronger than her, and with the oxytocin throbbing in his blood, he didn’t want to test his limits on her slight body. At the same time, he wanted her so badly, he couldn’t make himself retreat any further. He felt his cock throbbing in his pants, simply from the scent of her. He kept pushing down the images that kept popping in his head.

“Doctor,” she said, taking a large step that closed most of the gap between them, and he stopped breathing. Her hair glistened in the dim light, and her eyes twinkled with her fresh tears. “Stop protecting me from you. I want to help.”

“Rose, you don’t know what you’re asking…” He choked out.

Her eyes fixed themselves on his with the same intensity as they had before, only this time they were softer, loving even. “Take me,” she whispered.

“Rose…” Her words made every part of him harden instantly, especially the parts inside his pants that were straining so hard to get out. “I...can’t…” He was panting for breath now, the fight inside his body so painful it was almost blinding.

“Take me, Doctor.” She raised her hand, and her soft fingers brushed his cheek. “I’m yours, just take me.”

His walls snapped, and his hands grabbed her shoulders and shoved her back against the wall of his bedroom. She was able to gasp out for breath before he smashed his lips onto hers, tongue darting out to taste the soft skin of her lips. His hands wrapped around her wrists, slamming them against the wall above her head. Her back attempted to arch against the wall as his lips moved down to her neck, devouring the skin there, taking her breath away. 

“Rose,” he murmured against her skin, “are you -”

“Doctor, just fuck me.” His hearts nearly jumped out of his chest at her words, and his lips found hers once more as his body crushed itself against hers. If she had any doubts about how turned on he was, they were gone now as he ground his pelvis into hers. 

Rose gasped for air inbetween his kisses, letting his tongue explore. She felt her own body giving way to its own basal desires as her hands slid up the back of his shirt, feeling the smooth skin, gently raking her nails against him as he pressed his erection harder against her. Suddenly the wall behind her was gone, and her eyes snapped open as she found herself on the floor on her back as the Doctor bent over her, resuming his consumption of her. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her so close that she was afraid she would be completely consumed by him, absorbed into his own body. Her hips thrust themselves upwards to connect with his, and he groaned at the pressure against his groin, throbbing to be released. As his hands snaked up the back of her shirt, one of her hands reached for the front of his pants, fumbling to get at the button and zipper. 

One of his hands nudged hers out of the way as he ripped his zipper down, and his pants were quickly gone. Rose eagerly returned his kisses as she felt the fabric of her shirt become torn away from her body, his hands grabbing at the button of her jeans. The cool of the air on her skin made the heat of his body against hers feel almost unbearable. She was lost in a sea of sensation, stranded by his touch, his lips against hers. As suddenly as she had found herself on the floor, they were both entwined without the barrier of their clothes. Every cell of her body was humming with electricity, feeling his skin against hers without restraint, feeling him giving himself to her.

She felt his erection against her thigh, and she couldn’t help but slide her hand between them to lightly stroke him, making him gasp into her mouth. She hummed with approval, feeling him, feeling his whole length, considerably larger than her fantasies had been able to come up with. A feeling of intimidation swept over her before his hand covered hers, guiding him to her entrance.

“Rose…” he breathed, “I need you to be sure…”

“I’m sure.” She pulled his hand close to her entrance, so that he could feel how wet she was for him. “I need you, Doctor.”

“Mmmm…” He hummed, slowly pressing himself into her, and sparks popped in front of her eyes as she felt him filling her...filling her so full she felt she could burst...but then he moaned into her neck, and she felt herself clench at the sound of his ecstasy, which made him begin to throb inside her. “Oh, Lord, Rose…” He gasped, barely moving inside her and yet already on the edge.

Her hands wrapped around him, pulling him to her, crushing his lips back to hers as he began to slowly pull himself out of her, and then back in, causing her to let out a moan of her own. He fed on the sound, his body responding as he had never felt before, a furious need for more of her, more of her skin, more of her gasps and moans. He thrust himself into her again, deeper, until she cried out - from pain or ecstacy, he couldn’t tell, but her fingernails scratched at has back as he pulled out again, her hips thrusting up to meet his. They were both gasping in time together, their barriers pulled down, nothing between either of them but their own skin. They grabbed and thrust against each other as though even this was not close enough.

“Rose...I can’t...I’m…” He gasped as he felt himself nearing his edge, knowing he didn’t have the willpower to stop, feeling the intensity of his impending orgasm as an oncoming train…

“Ah! Doctor!” At his words, Rose exploded around him clenching him, drawing him further, milking him, and suddenly he was falling over his own cliff, crying out her name as his orgasm pounded through him, seeming to suck every ounce of him to be poured into her. They both collapsed under the aftermath of the powerful onslaught of their mutual orgasm, Rose’s eyes fluttering shut as she gasped for breath alongside him. 

Neither of them could find the right words, any words, and neither of them wanted to break the feeling between them as they laid there on the floor, entwined with each other, fingers tangled in each other’s hair, hearts pounding. 

The Doctor could have laid there forever with her in his arms. He couldn’t think of a time in his very long life that could even come close to the pure contentment that he was feeling at this moment. She was like a sun, and he was the planet orbiting around her, soaking in the heat of her. 

Slowly, his thoughts gathered, and he took a mental inventory. He could feel the oxytocin quickly abating in him system, having been fully sated. Rose...he hadn’t meant to be so rough, but he didn’t regret a moment. She seemed unhurt - her heart was fluttering at a normal speed again, but her breathing gradually slowed as she slipped into unconsciousness. He looked at her, basking in the glow of her. Just looking at her, it felt as though his hearts could shatter at any moment. He had never cared for another being this much. 

But she was human. She was not like him. She could be hurt. She could die. She would die. Each second was another second older for her, and another second towards her death. How could he allow himself to do something that was guaranteed to hurt him - possibly beyond repair? This was one of the reasons he hadn’t wanted to admit his feelings for her - self preservation. He also didn’t want to take away her chance at what would be a normal life for her. He wanted to believe she could be happy with another human, someone who didn’t put her life in danger at least once a week. He didn’t want this lonely life for her. She deserved so much more than even he could give.

He heard the TARDIS disengage the lock on his door, and realized that his blood levels were back to normal. He wanted to get to the infirmary, though, to run a few tests, make sure that he was back to his old physical self. Rose was so deeply asleep that she barely twitched as he lifted her into his arms and gently laid her in his bed, pulling the covers around her. She murmured in satisfaction, but didn’t stir. If he was quick, he could be holding her before she was able to make one REM cycle. His fingers brushed the hair out of her face, and he allowed himself to lightly kiss her forehead before heading to the infirmary.


	2. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose's dreams affect her, and the Doctor wants to make it right. The sexual tension makes matters more difficult, and the Doctor is faced with yet another problem.

It was a good dream. She knew it was a dream, she was completely aware that she was dreaming, but she didn’t want the dream to end. He was holding her. Kissing her the way she had wanted him to kiss her for a year now. When she pulled away, the sunshine was bright on his smiling face, the wind gently blowing his always-tousled hair. He looked like a god, but he wasn’t. He was a Time Lord, her Doctor. 

And that was when the dream changed.

The sky was filled with hundreds of daleks, and she was being pulled away from her Doctor by some unseen force. “Doctor!” she screamed.

Right before they killed him.

The ground underneath her began to shake, and she couldn’t stop the ringing screams in her ears…

“Rose, wake up!” A voice broke through her brain as she found herself shocked into opening her eyes and bolting up into a sitting position, completely and utterly confused. “Rose, you’re okay, you were having a nightmare…” Her eyes locked with his, and she felt immediately calmed. He was here. “I had to use the sonic screwdriver to shock you awake, I couldn’t get you to stop screaming, I’m sorry. You may feel a little disoriented from being thrust so quickly from that part of your REM cycle…” He was sitting on the edge of the bed next to her, very carefully not touching her sheet-wrapped body. “The TARDIS alerted me when your heart started racing, and then I heard your screams.”

“You weren’t here?” She couldn’t remember him leaving her.

The Doctor nodded. “I was running a blood analysis on myself, to make sure...I would have been back before you woke, but…” The Doctor averted his eyes from her body as the sheet slipped down, showing the creamy skin of her bare shoulder.

Rose grabbed the sheet, covering herself. She was even more confused now. He had most certainly seen more of her than just her shoulder. The memory of how he touched her sent shivers up her spine, which the Doctor noticed. “I’m sure you want to get dressed so that we can go out for supper. I’ll go land the TARDIS while you dress, yeah?” She nodded lightly, and he left the room without looking at her, leaving her naked and confused in his bed.

“Get a grip, Rose,” she murmured to herself, pulling the sheet around her tighter as she stood, not feeling quite comfortable at the thought of trodding to her room naked. As she dressed herself, she couldn’t keep the images of the Doctor out of her mind. How he had looked at her, as though he wanted to devour every inch of her. His closed eyes and open mouth as he finally gave her his release. The sound of his moans in her ear. She could almost feel the trail of kisses on her neck. 

And then the sudden picture from her dream. The Doctor, dead. 

She squeaked, pressing the back of her hand to her mouth before she could control it. She thrust the image as far from her mind as she could, but the residual fear still lingered. The dream had been so vivid, the nightmare worse than anything she could imagine. She didn’t want to lose him, she couldn’t lose him. How would she be able to keep going? How could she survive knowing that she was alive and he wasn’t? Not when she had finally admitted her feelings about him to herself. She loved him. 

There was just the slight problem of what happens next. 

Sure, they had shagged, and it had been AMAZING, but it didn’t mean anything unless it MEANT something. Did it mean something to him? She couldn’t get a read on his feelings after he woke her up, but she had a general feeling that something was off. Maybe supper together would be a perfect time to discuss their relationship - if there was even one.

She didn’t want to get her hopes up - the Doctor had never shown any romantic interest, no signs of wanting to deepen their relationship beyond best mates. She wasn’t sure if she could handle the crushing pain that would surely come with a rejection from him. 

Rose looked at herself in her bathroom mirror as she swiped on some red lipstick to match her simple red tee. She looked like her normal self, but she felt so different. This time 24 hours ago, she hadn’t felt pleasure so powerful that it was almost painful, she hadn’t known the touch of his hands exploring her bare skin. His touch had transformed her, and he had consumed her. She felt brand-new, and she couldn’t reconcile this feeling with the same-old image in the mirror. 

She huffed at herself. So many feeling jumbled up in her body, and she needed to pull herself together. Tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, she set off for the console room, where she found the Doctor typing on a keypad with one hand and waving the sonic screwdriver at a screen with the other. 

Rose cleared her throat. “We ready for takeoff, cap’n?” she asked, attempting to joke but her voice failed to completely cover up the distress she was feeling inside. 

The Doctor didn’t seem to notice, having his attention split between screens. “Powering her up now...should be leaving the vortex in a second…” He looked up at the glowing center column as the TARDIS began whirring through time and space, a grin spreading on his face. “Good girl,” he said, patting the TARDIS console. He turned to look at Rose, trying to contain his earlier worries and act normal. Once he found himself looking at her, though, it became harder to do. She looked beautiful, as she always did, but there was a glow to her skin that he had never noticed before. Curious, he let his senses reach out to her. Her heart was normal, as was her breathing. Her temperature was in the normal range. Maybe it was just him having once again not taken full notice of something extraordinary about her. 

Before either of them could speak, the TARDIS was powering down, which meant they had arrived. The Doctor walked over and opened to TARDIS door, and held his hand out to her wordlessly. Her smile brightened, and she entwined her fingers with his as they stepped out into the fresh evening air of the year 2314. He tried not to be too cheerful about the fact that she was holding his hand. They had held hands all the time, this was nothing different.

Except it was. These were the same fingers that had dug into his back as he had thrust himself into her…

No, he couldn’t think of that now. He had promised her supper at her favorite diner, and if he kept thinking of her naked body opening for him, he would end up taking her again in an alley, and that was NOT going to happen. 

They reached the diner having not said a word, although Rose was able to stammer out a thanks when he held the door for her. They sat across from each other in a booth, and a veil of awkward tension fell over the both of them. Rose fiddled with the glass of ice water the waitress sat in front of her, and the Doctor’s gaze drifted to the window beside them. The silence continued after they ordered until Rose finally put her hands flat on the table. “So, are we hanging around here or did you have someplace or time in mind to go to?”

“I thought maybe we could take a weekend at the beach. Bit of a break from the fast lane, recharge.” The Doctor finally looked up at her. “Unless you’d like to stay here for a bit. Your choice.”

“The beach sounds lovely…” Her eyes drifted back down to her ice water, and she twirled the straw absentmindedly. Her face was unreadable, and this frustrated the Doctor. 

“We could go somewhere else, if you’re not on for the beach,” he suggested.

“No, the beach is fine, I’d love to be able to lay out in the sun for a bit.”

“Maybe remember your sunscreen this time?” he teased, remembering the last time she had laid in the sun while he worked under the TARDIS’ console and had come back in a few hours later looking like a lobster-human hybrid. She had gone through three bottles of sunburn remedy before her skin was back to its natural color.

“Mmm…” She still twirled her straw, not looking at him. 

“Rose, can I ask you something?”

She looked up, and then nodded. 

“What were you dreaming? I only ask because...well, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you scream so badly in your sleep…”

“You’ve heard me before?” Rose asked, surprised.

“Well, yeah. After the daleks and the whole BadWolf/TARDIS/regeneration thing...it obviously shook you up pretty badly, and I don’t blame you - the daleks are the worst thing out there, and you took them on, and you absorbed the TARDIS and….well, it would have been a lot for any creature to handle, but humans are particularly susceptible to post-traumatic….well...anyways, I heard you the night we left your mum’s, but you were fine by the time I got to you, so I didn’t need to wake you. Today, though…”

“Bloody hell, why didn’t you tell me before I’d been screaming in my bloody sleep?” Her face started turning red with embarrassment. 

“You couldn’t help it. I didn’t want you to think it was disturbing me or anything, and I didn’t want you to be embarrassed. I still have nightmares about my home planet being destroyed - I get it.” His mouth snapped shut, having revealed a bit more than he had intended to. “Today was different, you sounded like you were being physically injured, and when I couldn’t get you to wake up...your heart was beating so fast, I thought it would surely fail.”

The waitress came and set their food in front of them, and Rose welcomed the distraction from the recounting of her awakening. She didn’t particularly want to remember the dream, but once he had mentioned it, all she could picture was what her mind had conjured up - the Doctor, surrounded by daleks, utterly defenseless, and then his body sinking to the ground, eyes hollow and no longer filled with light and laughter. She popped a chip in her mouth, chewing slowly and hoping he wouldn’t persue the topic.

“Rose?” Hope shattered. She swallowed and took a deep breath, not looking at him.

“They killed you. The daleks. Right in front of me. I watched you die.” Her voice was so small that, had he not been a Time Lord with superior hearing, he wouldn’t have heard her at all. But he did, and his face drained of color.

His hand reached out, a finger brushed the back of her own hand. “Oh, Rose...I’m sorry.” He couldn’t think. Her screams filled his mind again, and he forced himself not to show how it pained him. Maybe...the thought crept unbidden and unwanted into his mind...maybe it’s best if he took her home, cut ties, made certain that she would never have to go through that scene in real life…

No. His hearts nearly stopped at the thought. Then a wave of loathing coursed through him. Who was he? It was selfish of him not to do exactly that! He should take her home this instant…

He couldn’t. Not unless she asked. He watched her playing with her chips, and he knew there was no way he could force her to leave. Selfish or not, he needed her the way he needed air. He couldn’t breathe the same when she wasn’t near. 

So, sending her away wasn’t an option. He did have another idea.

“I could help. I could use my super alien powers to help you sleep dreamlessly.”

A small smile appeared on her face. “Did you really just say ‘super alien powers’?”

“Aye, I did,” He smiled, having finally coaxed a smile from her. “I just touch the base of your skull before you go to bed, and you won’t have any dreams, nightmarish or otherwise. It’s almost like telepathy, but not. I don’t really know how else to explain it. But we could try it if you’re up for it, yeah?”

“That sounds...yeah, I’ll try.” She popped another chip in her mouth with a bit more energy. 

They ate their supper in silence, but the awkwardness had left them. It didn’t take long for them to finish, and soon they were back out in the night air, fingers once again twined together. 

“What’s that?” Rose asked, hearing the sound of music and laugher growing louder with each step.

“Well, Rose, let’s find out!” He spring into a faster step, and she laughed, falling into step beside him as the sounds got louder. “Ah, Rose, I believe we’ve stumbled onto a block dance party! These are quite the rage in this time period, music is pumped through the speakers in the street for one block, and everyone dances in the middle of the street, it’s quite fun.”

“Let’s go!” Rose said. “You said you can dance, so come dance with me!” The smile on her face was infectious, and he couldn’t have refused her anything in that moment. She pulled him around the corner and into the throng of people, all a mish mash of sweaty bodies pressed together and dancing to the beat. 

He pulled her close to him, and she threw her hands up in the air, closing her eyes and letting her body slowly connect to the beat of the music, a bass-filled track. His hands settled above her waist, moving in time with her. Her movements became more and more assured as she got into the music, turning and shaking her hips. He pulled her closer to him, and then realized that he had made a huge mistake. She was now moving her hips into his groin, sending shockwaves throughout his body. He moved with her as best he could, trying to keep the friction at a minimal as she danced with her back against him, but she was dancing on pure instinct now. 

He felt his cock stirring against his will, and all he could think about was how good it felt to have her against him again. God, she was awakening things in him, feelings that he didn’t even know he possessed anymore. She spun around, her lips so close that he could feel the heat of her breath on his mouth. Her eyes were still closed, and he bit his lip as he kept moving with her, trying his best not to catch her lips with his own.

Finally, at least ten minutes later, the track ended, replaced immediately with a similar track with only a slightly slower tempo. Rose’s face was flushed bright pink, and she opened her eyes. He cocked his head toward the next empty street, where the TARDIS was parked, and she nodded wearily. He lead her through the throng of sweaty bodies grinding on each other, finally breaking through and walking on the empty sidewalk with the TARDIS in sight.

“Wow…” Rose said breathlessly. “That was quite the experience!”

‘You’re telling me,’ the Doctor thought, unlocking the TARDIS door and gesturing her in.

After he closed the doors, he cleared his throat. “I suppose you’re adequately tired, eh?” Rose nodded. “Well, I will get the TARDIS parked on the beach while you change into your nightclothes, that way we’re already there in the morning and you can drink your morning cuppa on the beach.”

“That sounds lovely,” she said. She paused, and then reached out, taking his hand. “Doctor, thank you for yet another unforgettable night.”

“My pleasure, Miss Tyler,” he said. she quickly kissed him on the cheek before trodding off to her room, and he had to physically shake himself to remember what he was supposed to be doing. He started pressing the correct buttons on the TARDIS’ controls, but his head was still in the clouds. ‘Oh, Rose, the things you do to me,’ he thought. He was still adequately aware of the situation in his trousers, although he had hope that his ignoring it would at least lessen the pressure. He needed to help Rose get to bed and then get to work on a few repairs on the TARDIS, and hopefully the busy work would help his situation.

Once the TARDIS had landed, he strolled down the hall to knock on Rose’s door. “Are you decent?” 

“Yeah, come in!” she called, and he opened the door.

As he drunk in the sight of her, he tried to keep his jaw hinged and off of the floor. She was standing in front of him in a nightie of light pink silk, which clinged to every curve of her body.

Rose’s face flushed instantly. “I accidentally got water all over my pajamas while I was washing my face, and this was all I had left clean…”

“You don’t need to explain. You look lovely, as always. Are you ready?” She nodded. He reached around her neck, softly pulling her closer to him, his index finger searching for the right spot at the base of her skull. “You shouldn’t feel a thing, but this will help you sleep without dreams when you go to sleep…” She nodded slightly, and he pressed down on her soft skin, directing the flow of the right chemicals through his finger…

Suddenly, her body went limp and he caught her just before she could hit the ground. 

“Rose? Rose!” Her head flopped, eyes closed, ears unhearing.

“Well that wasn’t supposed to happen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can probably tell, I'm having a lot of fun writing this. However, I'm also working on an EXTREMELY fluffy one-shot especially for the holidays, which depicts a very very funny Doctor, and I honestly can't say which is the most fun to write. My one-shot (which has no name as yet) should be published soon, and I hope those who are enjoying this story will also enjoy that one. I'm cracking myself up as I write it because it's just so funny and lighthearted, where this is full of tension and angst and sexiness. I'm so glad for all of the kudos I've gotten just on this story's first chapter, I'm glad you love this story as much as I do! More to come soon!


	3. Scan

“Well that wasn’t supposed to happen,” said the Doctor. And it most certainly wasn’t supposed to happen. There’s no way that what he did should have made her...pass out? What exactly did happen? 

Worry pumped furiously through his veins as he moved her in his arms, getting a better grip so that he could pick her up. 

As he carried her to the infirmary, he checked her out as best he could with his own senses. Her breathing was shallow, barely getting enough oxygen to her lungs for her body to keep functioning normally. Her heart thumped slightly slower, he could tell. She was completely limp, no muscles tensing or twitching. What was going on?

He laid her on the bed in the infirmary and began giving the TARDIS orders to carry out scans of both her and himself. He didn’t want to take the chance that it was something in him that had transferred to her, although he was sure he would have noticed. He brushed a lock of hair out of her face. She didn’t show any emotion in her face, pain or otherwise. He could feel his own lungs struggling to breathe through the weight of his concern for her.

The screen beeped, and showed his own results - clear. Nothing abnormal about him. He huffed in impatience; he needed answers, and this gave him none. Then the screen showed Rose’s results. Heart and oxygen levels low. (‘I could have told you that,’ he thought.) Brain waves, slow. Blood levels, within normal range. Diagnosis - coma.

His hearts nearly stopped. Coma? How? He gave the screen more commands, including a second complete body scan, and more detailed analysis on her brain. Noone just dropped down at random into a coma. Humans may be fragile, but they weren’t that fragile. There had to be some underlying reason…

The screen beeped again, and he read through the results, which were the same as before, except….now there were two diagnoses. This was beginning to make less and less sense. How could it even be possible? 

The only thing that seemed to get his hearts beating was the prognosis listed at the bottom: Excellent. 

That obviously meant she would come out of the coma. But as for the other diagnosis...well, it was obviously a problem with the TARDIS. He would need to get into the scanner and check for damaged parts needing replaced. It would have to wait, though. 

He took Rose’s hand in both of his own, bending to whisper in her ear. “I’m not going anywhere, Rose. I’m right here. I won’t leave you until you’re awake. I’m here, Rose.”

…

It was several hours later when his ears registered her heart rate picking up a more normal rate. Her breathing hitched, and he stood up from the chair he had been sitting in, never letting go of her hand. 

“Come on, Rose,” he whispered to her. “Come back to me.” Her eyelids fluttered. “That’s it, Rose, come on…” Her hand squeezed in his as her eyes opened, blinking away the light. “There you are.” He couldn’t help but smile as her eyes turned to him.

She felt as though she had been asleep for years, and she couldn’t remember what had happened. The confusion was like nothing she had ever felt. “Doctor?” Her voice was ragged.

“You went into a coma on me, Rose Tyler,” he said. “You’ll be okay, you’ll be fine. I still don’t know why, but I need to make a few repairs before we run another scan so we can tell what happened. Rose...how do you feel?”

“Like I got hit with a truck or something. I went into a coma?”

“According to this,” he waved a hand at the scan screen, “but I’m not even sure if that’s accurate, since it displayed some questionable information, which is why I want to do another scan after I figure out what’s wrong with the scanner. I don’t want you passing out on me again.”

“Sorry…” Rose said, her eyes darting to the screen.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Rose.” 

“Well, I just meant that I didn’t mean to be an inconve...wait, what does that say there at the bottom?” She pointed at the screen.

The Doctor swallowed the lump in his throat. “Well, that’s the thing, this second scan...the TARDIS thinks you’re pregnant.”

Rose’s thoughts came to a screeching halt.

“Like I said, it’s rubbish, got to be a glitch in the system, not to worry.” 

Rose struggled to keep her breathing normal, but inside of her was pure chaos. She was sure that the Doctor was right, it was impossible...but a voice in the corners of her mind said that nothing is impossible. 

Suddenly she was tired, struggling to keep her eyelids open. “It’s okay, Rose. You can sleep, I won’t leave you.” His words, his permission was all she needed to stop fighting against the urge to close her eyes, and she was asleep within seconds. 

The Doctor stared at her, listening to her body, but her heart and lungs kept a normal, even pace. She didn’t slip back into a coma. He turned to the screen. What was going on here? Pulling out his sonic screwdriver, he ran it around the edges of the screen, but nothing seemed abnormal. He pried it open and set to work, pushing aside wires and looking for any signs of malfunction or disrepair. He tried to keep his mind on his work and not the words that had been on the screen.

However, he lost the fight with his own mind, which began pulling up as much information as he knew about Time Lord-human relationships, which was not in abundance. There hadn’t been much deviation from their own species before they had been destroyed. What knowledge he did have, it wasn’t good. He had to admit to himself - this was not completely impossible. Highly unlikely, but not impossible. He flinched away from this fact, diving back into his work with renewed fervor.

A loud beeping sound woke Rose, and her eyes opened to find the room with the lights dimmed, the Doctor studying the screen in front of him. He heard her move, and turned to her. 

 

“I’m sorry, Rose, I forgot to mute the alerts when I ran this new scan, I didn’t mean to wake you. How are you feeling now?”

“Better, thanks. Could do with a drink of water, but I feel fine.” She gestured to the screen. “So, what’s the word, Doctor? Am I going to randomly go into comas now or something?”

His eyes dropped away from hers, and his eyebrows pressed together. “Rose...You need to know that if I had any suspicions that this could happen, I would never have...It’s my own fault for not being more careful, but I had no real knowledge…”

“Doctor, stop stammering about.” She reached for his hand, and he grasped it. “Just tell me.”

“You’re pregnant. It wasn’t a glitch with the scan. I’m sorry, Rose…”

Rose forced herself to keep breathing, to keep her thoughts in order. He was in pain, she could tell from the tightness of his voice, his stammering, the tightness of his grip. They couldn’t both fall apart at the same time. She swallowed hard, trying to keep her voice calm. “So why the coma?”

The Doctor ran a hand through his hair, squeezing his eyes shut before taking a breath. “I don’t have much knowledge on this kind of thing. Time Lords and humans rarely had physical relations, and so there’s not been much on Time Lord-human pregnancies. But, since Time Lord genes are superior to every gene sequence in the universe, I would assume that the gestation would progress the same as a Time Lords - three months.Time Lord fetuses are intelligent - they develop brains before anything else. So my guess, and this is just a guess, is that the...fetus...it became aware of something entering your body - my neurotransmitters at the base of your skull - that wasn’t supposed to be there, and so to protect itself, it shut your body down until the ‘threat’ was gone…” His voice trailed off as he put his head in his hands. “Oh, bloody hell, Rose…” His voice shook, and she sat herself up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed to face him. 

“Doctor, look at me.” She pulled his hands from his face, and he looked up at her with so much pain in his face that it nearly broke her heart. She could feel her hold on her emotions cracking. “Do you think I could get a glass of water? Just...a moment to process…”

He quickly stood. “I’ll get it, you stay here...I’ll run some blood tests, you just...stay…” He rushed out of the room, and Rose let out the breath she didn’t know she had been holding.

Okay...she was pregnant. ‘Your mum always told you to keep a rubber with you around men you fancied,” she chided herself. She had never thought that the Doctor would ever finally take her, except in her fantasies, so she hadn’t thought she needed any protection with her. Besides, he had superior smell, and she was almost certain he would be able to smell a condom in her pocket, and she did NOT want that embarrassing encounter. 

The Doctor. He was obviously at least as shaken as she was, but the pain in his face, it was almost unbearable. ‘He doesn’t want this, does he?’ He couldn’t - he hadn’t wanted to shag her until he had been injected with that oxytocin...they hadn’t even talked about it since, and that was partially her fault, but for him to ignore that it had happened…

What would he ask her to do? Leave? Get rid of it? No, everything was always ‘her choice’...but how could she stay and keep…

Her brain couldn’t even form the words. She groaned at herself in exasperation. She was still having trouble wrapping her mind around the entire thing, and trying to think in a rational manner wasn’t working. She could feel the panic creeping up her throat, but she knew she couldn’t afford to fall apart right now. She needed the Doctor to talk to her, she needed to try to figure out what he was thinking, and he wouldn’t do that if she was crumbling to pieces. She had to keep her mind. 

Pregnant. Before a few minutes ago, she hadn’t even believed it was possible to know so soon, but that was obviously part of the Time Lord…

Time Lord.

She was really pregnant with the Doctor’s...baby…

She shook her head as she heard the Doctor’s footsteps coming down the hallway. He walked back in, not making contact with her eyes as he handed her a large glass of cold water. She cleared her throat before taking a sip, watching him sit down and fiddle with the settings on the screen. She had so many questions and couldn’t get one syllable to come out of her mouth. Partially because she was still trying to believe it all herself, but also because she was scared of hearing answers that weren’t the ones she wanted - no, needed - to hear. She needed him to say that he would stay with her, that he wouldn’t leave her, that he wanted her…

“I need your finger, Rose.” His voice shook her out of her thoughts, and she silently held her hand out. He took a needle and pricked the bed of her third finger, mopping up the dot of blood with a cotton swab and inserting it into a small hole on the side of the screen. “Thirty four hours...normal for Time Lord…” he murmured to himself. He was pleased that the results were normal, but he couldn’t be so sure. What was ‘normal’? 

Before he could speak again, another line of script appeared on the screen, and he blanched. 

“Doctor?” Rose’s voice couldn’t hold back the panic anymore, and he heard it in her voice. 

“Rose, I need to fix this now.”

“Fix what?” She asked, but he was already taking the glass from her hands, pressing her shoulder so that she was laying back on the bed. 

“Just let me fix this, Rose, it’ll be okay…”

“No, Doctor, stop, fix what?” He grabbed something that looked like a handheld scanner.

“This could kill you. Your body wasn’t made to carry a Time Lord, Rose. I’ll fix this, just lay still…”

She tried to swat his hands away, but he resisted, fiddling with the buttons on the machine in his hand. “Stop, Doctor, stop. What do you mean by ‘might’?”

“I mean your heart will give out, I mean you’re unlikely to survive until birth, I mean I need to fix this right now and you’ll be fine and you won’t have to worry.” He tried to bring the machine closer, but she pushed at his hands with greater force. “Rose, you have to let me do this!”

“No, I don’t!” She yelled. “You don’t get to kiss me and then decide my fate! You don’t get to have me and then tell me what I am going to do with my body!”

“Rose, I won’t let you die!”

“I won’t let you touch me with that, Doctor, so I guess the point is moot.” She gave his hands a shove as she quickly stood before he could regain his own balance and ran out of the room. He tried to follow her, but she ran into her room, locking her door behind her. He momentarily thought about having the TARDIS unlock the door, but he heard her sobs and knew he couldn’t force her. 

Bile rose in his throat at the thought of losing her. The thought that she may be choosing death rather than to stay with him. He couldn’t force her, but he couldn’t survive if he lost her. If he forced her to let him terminate the pregnancy, she would never forgive him, but at least she would be alive. 

He still couldn’t make himself give the order to override the locks. He felt his knees giving way and he let himself slide his back down the wall to collapse on the floor, hearing her cries that were an exact match to the pain in his own heart.


	4. Waves

Three hours, forty six minutes, and twelve seconds later, the Doctor became aware of a change. He hadn’t moved from his spot on the hallway floor, even as Rose’s sobs died away and her breathing slowed into sleep. He listened to the slow thumping of her heart, unable to put his thoughts together. But then, her heart changed. He sat up, making sure he was hearing right...yes, it was pounding considerably harder. Her breathing changed to breathy gasps. Before he could reach for the doorknob, she was screaming. He heard a click, and knew that the TARDIS had unlocked the door for him.

The Doctor burst in, rushing over to Rose, who was still screaming, eyes closed, clutching the sheets around her. He shook her, trying to jolt her out of her nightmare, but her eyes wouldn’t even flutter. Her screams grew higher as he pulled out his sonic screwdriver, throwing it into setting 364 and pressing it to her temple. 

Her eyes opened and she jerked up, her cries stopping immediately. Her still-red eyes were frantic as they locked with his. He pocketed the sonic and slowly reached for her clenched hand. “You’re okay, Rose, you were having another nightmare.”

He could feel her muscles tense as her touched her hand softly; she was ready to bolt at any sudden move. He held up his hands to show they were empty. “I’m only here to make sure you’re okay. I swear.” She nodded almost imperceptibly, bringing her knees up and holding them to her chest, her eyes not leaving him. He almost felt insulted that she would think he would force her to do anything after waking from a nightmare, but he was too concerned to really care. “Breathe, Rose.” He reached out again, this time to lightly rub circles on her back, listening to her lungs and, if he was being completely honest with himself, telepathically sending calming feelings to her.

Her heart rate soon fell to a more normal rate, and she was breathing easier. “Same dream?” he asked, curious.

“Yes,” she said, her voice small. “Except…” She paused and her eyes fell away from his.

“You can tell me, Rose.”

“The daleks...they...after they killed you, they turned and killed the baby…” Her voice shrunk as she spoke, and he gently took her hand.

“Rose, it’s okay,” he said. “I hear you. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did, it was inexcusable of me. I have no right to tell you what to do. But I hear you now. We will figure something out. I just got scared, and I don’t want…” This time it was his voice that faltered, his eyes that dropped.

“You don’t want what?”

“I don’t want to lose you, Rose,” he admitted. “I don’t know what I’d do.”

Rose bit her lip at his candid confession. Her heart dropped a bit, knowing he couldn’t possibly mean it in the way she wanted him to. He didn’t think of her like that. But his words still sent butterflies fluttering through her stomach. 

He kept talking. “I’ll figure out something, I’ll try and find more information, work out a plan...well, help you make a plan...but whatever you want to do, I will be here. I won’t try to force you again.” I will do anything I have to do if it means I can save you, he added in his head. He wouldn’t force her, but he couldn’t let her die if there was anything he could do about it. There was a thin line there, he knew, but he would walk it. 

Rose was silent for so long, he begun to think she hadn’t heard him until she spoke. “Thank you, Doctor.”

He squeezed her hand gently, and every part of his body wanted to speak those three words...but instead, he stood up, distancing himself from her. “Can I get you anything? Tea?”

“Actually, tea sounds good. Stomach’s a bit queasy.”

“I’ll fix you some then, maybe meet you outside on the beach? Catch the sunrise?” He raised one eyebrow at her, enticing her. She gave him a small smile.

“Sounds lovely. I’ll just change and be out on the sand, eh?” 

“See you there…” His fingers lightly touched the back of her hand before he turned around and left her alone. She shook her thoughts away, striding over to her closet and pulling out shorts and a light blue tee, along with an oversized distressed sweatshirt - she had learned from previous excursions with the Doctor to catch the sun rising over the blue waves that the sea spray could get a bit chilly before the sun had risen to warm things up. 

She rushed out, not bothering with shoes - she wanted to feel the soft sand around her feet. Throwing open the doors of the TARDIS, the lightening sky greeted her along with the cool ocean breeze ruffling off of the light waves. The beautiful sight of the ocean always made her feel like a kid again, building sandcastles and splashing in the waves alongside her mum. She broke into a run, stopping a few feet from the water’s edge. She fell back onto the sand, putting her hands behind her and leaning back, closing her eyes and concentrating on the sound of the waves.

“Tea and biscuits, Miss Tyler?” The Doctor sat beside her, setting down a tray with two steaming cups of tea and a plate of crispy saltine biscuits. “You haven’t eaten since the diner, and thought this would help a bit.”

“Mmmm,” she said, sipping at her cup of tea. “It’s perfect, thank you.”

The Doctor smiled, lifting his own cup. “My pleasure.”

The word ‘pleasure’ sent a shiver running through her core, but she tried to ignore it. 

They sipped at their tea, occasionally nibbling at a biscuit, and wordlessly watched the sun rise, sending the sky into a cloudless, bright blue. The water’s surface sparkled as the sun’s beams hit it. Rose put down her empty cup, closing her eyes and lifting her face to bask in the sun’s warmth.

She felt the Doctor lightly tug at her sweatshirt. “Bit warm now, don’t you think?”

A playful smile spread across her face. “You know what, Doctor? You’re right.” She stood and stripped the sweatshirt off with one hand, letting it fall to the ground. “I think I need a bit of cooling off.” She turned and began to sprint towards the water, unable to keep a laugh from exploding through her lips. As her feet hit the water, she heard a whoop from behind her, and turned to see the Doctor running after her wearing only his trousers and shirt, the blue pinstriped jacket abandoned next to her sweatshirt, a smile spread on his face. Rose squealed, splashing through the water.

As the waves splashed up to her elbows, two arms wrapped around her waist, grabbing her and tossing her through the air, and she landed bum-first in the water. She was giggling like a schoolchild when she burst up through the water’s surface, thoroughly soaked. The Doctor turned and tried to swim further into the water as Rose followed. She pounced, knocking both of them underneath a wave. They both were laughing when their beads bobbed up, and the Doctor advanced on her.

“You know you can’t outswim me, I have sup-”

“Superior physicality, I know. But frankly, Doctor, I’m smaller and harder to catch!”

“Wanna bet?” he asked, lunging for her. 

They splashed and played and giggled until they were both floating, near breathless with laughter. Rose swam, her back to the deep ocean, to face him. 

“How’s that superior physicality now, eh?”

“Thoroughly exhausted, thanks. Surprised you kept up so long.”

Before Rose could reply, a strong wave picked her up, sending her crashing into the Doctor. His feet planted into the sand and didn’t let them fall over, his arms wrapping around her as the wave crushed her to him. It set her down, and she was left standing face to face against the Doctor, both hands squarely on his chest. As he looked into her eyes, she felt the familiar heat flooding through her core again, and her heart began racing at the closeness of him. His hand pressed against the small of her back, not letting her go.

Suddenly, his lips were on hers, capturing her gasps as she responded, letting her tongue glide across his bottom lip. His hand traveled up her back, holding her to him, and her fingers traced his jaw, that sexy jawbone that she dreamed of kissing again. As his hips pressed against hers, she couldn’t suppress a small moan from bursting through her lips.

And as suddenly as it had started, his lips were gone from hers, his arms disappeared, leaving her standing, gasping for breath, blinking at him as he stepped back. His eyes wouldn’t touch her own. 

“I’m sorry, Rose. I didn’t mean to...I meant...I just…” He couldn’t find the right words, but of course he couldn’t tell how Rose was interpreting the words he was managing to get out.

A tear fell down her cheek, mixing with the salt water on her face. “You don’t need to say anything. I get it. I’m just going to go get cleaned up.” She quickly waded past him, leaving him standing in the ocean waves. Her feet couldn’t stop from breaking into a sprint once they hit dry sand, stopping only to pick up her sweatshirt before running back to the TARDIS.

The Doctor heard the door close behind her, and he let out the breath he had been holding. He wanted so badly to tell her not to run, to keep kissing her, to pull the wet clothes from her body and show her how much she means to him.

He couldn’t. The one time he let his guard down, the one time he let himself feel all of the things he spent so much time pushing down, he ended up putting her life in danger. If he made the same conscious decision again, it would be as though he didn’t care for her as much as his body and mind were sure he did. 

Now he was back to square one. He had upset her, and he was guilty no matter what decision he made. 

She could be dying, almost certainly was, and all he was managing to do was make her cry.

His legs had somehow carried him back to the shore, and he let himself collapse into the sand. He was a horrible excuse for a being. No matter what he did, he wouldn’t be doing the right thing. If he gave in to his feelings, he was lessening her worth. If he didn’t, he was hurting her. If he forced her to save herself, she would never forgive him. If he stood back, he would almost certainly watch her die. No matter what he chose, he would be choosing wrong.

For the first time in his existence, he was unable to make himself move. He felt so lost, he nearly prayed for the ground to open up, to swallow him whole. But that would mean leaving Rose, and he couldn’t do it. Even if she didn’t want him, she needed him. If there was any chance for her to survive, he needed to stay. For her. 

He knew what he needed to do. 

Standing and brushing the sand from his trousers, he picked up his jacket and walked slowly back to the TARDIS, thinking of the TARDIS’ library and wondering where to start looking for answers. He would let himself get lost in the pages, looking for a way to save the life of the woman he couldn’t admit that he loved.


	5. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor calls a familiar face onto the TARDIS, and Rose gets a talking-to...

The Doctor was still in the library when Rose finally got a grip on herself and ventured out of her room. She had made two cups of herbal tea and, setting them on a tray, took them and searched for the Doctor. When she entered the library, he was sitting in front of one of the bookshelves, a half moon of open books around him, holding up the one he was reading with one hand as his other swept back through his messy hair. 

“Doctor?” Rose said, startling him out of his reading. “I made tea...I figured you’d like some too?”

“Yes, thanks,” he said, putting down the book and standing, guiding her to the couch by the wall. He watched as she set the tray on the coffee table and sat on the couch with her cup, tucking her feet under her. Her blonde hair fell around her shoulders, and he wanted to run his fingers through it. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “For...earlier, I mean. I didn’t mean to….and then I...well, I just wanted-” The Doctor put a finger to her lips, stopping her stammering words.

“You have nothing to apologize for. Both of us are on edge, and it’s understandable. You’ve been through a lot, and endured a huge shock. You don’t have to apologize for that.” He removed his finger, leaving nothing but the ghost of his touch on her lips. 

She took a sip of tea to steady herself before speaking again. “So...bit of light reading?” She nodded towards the mess of books he had left on the floor.

“Ah, that...I was trying to find as much as I could about time lords and humans...I did find out some valuable information - your nightmares! They’re because you have a time lord inside of you, and so your body of course will pick up some of the chemicals and things that only a time lord body produces. Our dreams are much more vivid than that of a human, so your brain can’t decide whether to wake up or not because the dream is so real - or in this case, the nightmare. You are harder to wake up because of this. However, skin-to-skin contact with another time lord while asleep can cancel out the effect, because those dream chemicals will be more attracted to my body, where they are more compatible, than your brain.”

“Oh...wait, skin-to-skin…”

“Contact, yes. Just holding your hand until you entered REM stage 2 would work. By then my body would have absorbed enough for you to sleep easily. My body would then level itself out, either storing unneeded chemicals for later or turning them into waste. Your body just uses them all at once, which is another reason why your nightmares are more vivid.”

Rose nodded, taking it all in, slowly processing each new piece of information. 

“But, I’m out of my depth here.”

“What?” Rose had not expected those words from him.

“I am thinking of calling Jack and having him help me out. Two sets of eyes are better and all that. I wanted to ask you first, though.”

“No, of course, if it helps you! I miss Jack.” Rose liked Jack; he was a funny, genuine person, and he was easy to talk to. Easier than some Time Lords, anyways. He was like the big brother she never had, and she loved that. Sure, he flirted with her, but in a playful way that made it clear there was no seriousness, nothing lying behind the harmless flirting. He even flirted with the Doctor, for goodness sake.

The Doctor took a gulp of tea at her words. From what he could see, Rose liked Jack and awful lot - loved him, even. In what way, he had no idea. ‘It would be best if she did love him in that way. Keep her from getting hurt again. Keep you from hurting her,’ he thought. But there was also the fact that Jack liked both men and women, and so the chances of them getting together weren’t as good.

“The longer this goes on, the less information I have to go on. I need help if there’s going to be a chance…”

“Call Jack. It’s okay.” Rose sipped at her tea as the Doctor pulled the mobile out of his jacket pocket.

“Ah, the good Doctor. Still floating around in your box?” Rose could hear Jack’s familiar voice come through the phone, and she smiled. 

“It’s not a box, you git, it’s a TARDIS. I was going to invite you aboard, but now…” The Doctor threatened, shooting a tiny smile at Rose.

“Well, that’s a nice way to invite someone.”

“In all seriousness, Jack, I need your help.” The Doctor’s voice broke, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Jack.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s Rose. Can I-”

“Pull me aboard, Doctor.” The line went dead.

The Doctor put the mobile back in his pocket. “Well, that didn’t take a lot of convincing.”

“He wouldn’t have said no to you, Doctor. Not many people can,” Rose said.

“Except you.” The Doctor looked at her with pained eyes. The pain went straight to Rose’s heart, but she couldn’t look away. She knew it was hurting him, her not allowing him to take her out of danger. He willingly took her to places and times where there would be danger, but he knew she could hold her own. He had never willingly placed her in the way of death. He saw this as his fault, and he wanted to fix it. Her unwillingness to cooperate was hurting him, but she didn’t want to give up. She wanted to try, she couldn’t just give up. This was his baby inside her, she couldn’t just-

The Doctor cleared his throat, looking away and standing up. “Well, I’ll go and get the TARDIS ready. You look tired, Rose.”

“I’ve been so tired! I don’t think I’ve slept so much since uni!”

“Well, your body is working double time right now, so it’s to be expected. Maybe you should catch a nap before we get Jack?”

“I’m fine, really. I’ll just read a bit, yeah?” She grabbed her book from the side table, where she had left it the last time she had been in the library. The Doctor nodded and left her alone.

She tried to get into her book, but the intruding thoughts became so great that she ended up throwing the book back onto the table, leaning back and groaning. Maybe Jack would help her with the Doctor. She couldn’t understand him sometimes, and it’d be helpful to have a guy to talk to. And, although she loved being alone with the Doctor, it was always intense. Every time he came near, her skin became electrified. His touch could send shockwaves through her. Just one of those sexy sideways smiles could send heat surging between her legs, craving him. 

And now, now that her fantasies had come true, now that her skin had the memory of his own against it, it was even harder to keep her thoughts - and her hormones - in check. It was only made harder by the fact that the Doctor kept himself distant, both mentally and physically. Normally, he would have held her hand, pulled her close, something...something more than the few casual touches she had recieved. She was craving him like a drug, more powerful than any craving she had ever experienced.

She grabbed a pillow and smashed it over her face to muffle her annoyed scream.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“EEK!” Rose jumped up, tossing the pillow aside, and went flying to the man in the doorway, jumping into his arms. “Jack! I’m so glad to see you!”

“Good. You’re obviously in your right mind, then.” He grinned down at her, pulling her into a hug. “So….Doctor filled me in. You sure do seem to find trouble, don’t you?”

Rose blushed deeply.

“Hey, don’t be embarassed. I’d been wondering if a jump in the sack would make him a little less grumpy.”

“Oi! Who you calling grumpy?” The Doctor’s head peeked through the doorway, and Rose giggled. “Glad to see you think it’s so amusing. Do you really think I’m grumpy?”

“Sometimes, and you know it!” Rose already felt more relaxed with Jack aboard. 

The Doctor shrugged. “I landed us back on the beach until we decide what to do. I was thinking of fixing up some supper, if you both are hungry?”

“Starving!” Rose said.

The Doctor smiled. “I’ll let you two catch up.” He disappeared, and Jack flopped onto the couch. 

“So, Rose. You want to tell me why you won’t let the Doctor save your life?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “You’re on his side?”

“I’m not on his side, per say, but I don’t agree with what you’re doing either.”

“You don’t understand, Jack.”

“Then help me understand.”

“Jack...I never....Ugh!” Rose huffed. “I never thought he would want me. In that way, I mean. And then, for one second, he did. And this is what came out of it. There’s got to be a reason, Jack. I’m carrying his child, there’s got to be a reason.”

“I’ll give you a reason - you didn’t use protection, you dunce.”

“Hey, don’t call me a dunce. Ah, well, I suppose I was, but that’s beside the point.”

“Rose, there’s no scheme here. You and the Doctor had sex, you didn’t protect yourself, you got pregnant, and you’re still refusing to protect yourself even though you could die.”

“Could! Not will!”

“Could, Rose, not won’t! Even I know your odds aren’t good. You know how I know? The look on his face when he opened the door, Rose. He looked like someone being burned by an invisible fire, unable to scream. These odds aren’t in your favor, Rose. He knows it, I know it, and you refuse to accept it.”

Rose’s breath let out in a whoosh, and she flopped onto the couch. His words hit her exactly where they were meant to, and now her heart felt like it was splitting apart. 

“You won’t save yourself for you, Rose, so how about for him? Why won’t you save yourself for him? Don’t you see what will happen to him if he loses you like this?”

 

“I….I didn’t mean to….I’m not doing this because I want to hurt him….” Her voice broke, and Jack turned her to face him. 

“I know you’re not. But imagine him choosing not to save himself when you could easily save him.”

“That’s not-”

“I know, it’s not the same. But you get it. I know you do. I see how you look at him, Rose. He’s an idiot for not seeing it, but I do. You’d throw yourself in front of a bus for him.”

“Jack, I can’t do this. I can’t give up this child because I might die. There’s a chance, and I’ve got to believe in him enough to believe he will find out how to keep us both alive. I believe in him, Jack. If I let him….If I let him, that would mean I didn’t believe in him. And I do.”

Jack groaned. “Rose...you are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.” He took her hands in his. “I’m here to help for as long as you need me. I’m going to help him figure out how to save you. I need you to promise me to fight, Rose. I need you to fight. I don’t know if the universe will be safe if he loses you.”

Rose nodded, a tear slipping from her cheek, and Jack pulled her into his arms again. “You fight, Rose. You fight with everything you’ve got, you hear me?” She nodded into his shoulder, and he stroked her back. “We’re going to figure this out.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice broken by her attempts not to cry.

“Don’t be sorry, Rose. Just fight.”

“No matter what I do, it’s the wrong choice.”

“Oh, Rose, don’t think like that. You’re not wrong for wanting the baby. But don’t you dare think you’d be wrong for choosing to live.”

Rose sat up, still sniffling. “I’ve made my choice, Jack.”

“Then I’ll support you. Don’t think I won’t. But I’ll be fighting alongside the Doctor to save your life.” He smiled at her. “I will say that pregnancy suits you. You’re already glowing.”

“Supper’s ready!” The Doctor peeked into the library. “Ready to eat?”

Rose didn’t turn to face him, not wanting him to see her tears. Jack smiled at the Doctor. “I’m famished, so it better be good.”

The Doctor laughed. “Better than anything you could throw together. Come on!” The Doctor left, but not before he caught the salty scent of Rose’s tears. His hearts missed a beat, but he kept walking. 

Jack handed Rose a tissue, and she wiped her tears. “Sorry I turned into a blubbering mess on you.”

“Anytime, Rose.” He held out his arm with a smile. “Shall we?”

Rose couldn’t help but laugh, linking her arm with his. She was glad to have Jack with them. He was like her big brother and best friend rolled into one. 

“Pizza!” Jack exclaimed, sitting down at the table.

“Not just any pizza, but my pizza!” said the Doctor. “And I threw on some of those tomatoes, Rose, the ones we got on Ronema.”

“Oh, really?” She picked up a slice and bit into it. She hummed in approval as the Doctor wiggled his eyebrows. She always loved his cooking. “Why do you have to be so superior at everything?”

“Except looks!” chimed Jack.

“Hey, that’s pushing it,” the Doctor said.

Rose giggled, taking another bite. This was what she loved. This easy family, this love, this was perfect. They talked and they ate and they laughed. The subject of the pregnancy wasn’t mentioned again, and they were all lighthearted and happy. This was the reason she didn’t regret leaving her mum behind - she hadn’t left her family, she had gained one.

Finally, Jack went to find where the TARDIS had put his bedroom, and Rose began to yawn.

“Tired?” The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

She nodded. “It’s been a...full day.”

“That it has.”

“So...this skin-to-skin thing…”

“You’ll need to get pajamas on first, I should think.”

“Oh….yeah, forgot. I’ll go get cleaned up, then.”

Rose rushed to her bedroom, grabbing her pajamas and shutting herself in the bathroom. She went through the motions, but her mind was miles away, replaying Jack’s words. He had described how the Doctor looked when he opened the TARDIS door for him - a burning man. Because of her. 

She would fight. She would fight for him, just as he was fighting for her. 

Rose walked out to her bedroom, where the Doctor had already placed a chair beside her bed and was sitting, glasses perched on the end of his nose, with a book already open in his hand. 

She slid in bed, startling him. “Ah, Rose.”

“Absorbing book, eh?”

“Yes, well...more of a textbook. Gallifreyan physiology and biology. I’ve never really paid attention the the female side of biology, and I figured it couldn’t hurt to be knowledgeable in both human and Gallifreyan biologies.”

“Oh…”

“Lay down, Rose.” The TARDIS dimmed the lights as she laid down, pulling the covers over her. He reached out and took her hand. “As I said, this is all the contact you would need.”

“Are you...I mean, you’re comfortable?”

The Doctor settled in the chair, repositioning his book without letting go of her hand. “I’m fine, Rose.”

She closed her eyes, trying to wipe her mind clean, but the awkwardness simply couldn’t be overcome. She opened her eyes again to find him looking over his glasses at her, making her blush. “Sorry,” she said. “This is just so awkward. You just sitting here, waiting for me to go to sleep…”

The Doctor hummed, pausing a moment before setting his book on the bedside table along with his glasses before lifting the covers and sliding into bed beside her. 

“Uhm…”

“Well, you weren’t going to get to sleep with me sitting there.” He laid down, his face inches from hers, taking her hand again. She nodded, closing her eyes again. She could feel his gaze on her, and her eyes popped open.

“UGH! This is just too weird!” She flopped around, turning her back to him.

 

“Rose, I need...I need to touch you for this to work.”

“Then touch me,” she breathed.

She heard his breathing stop, a pause, and then, slowly, he moved closer to her, until she could feel his chest against her back. His arms wrapped around her, and she could feel his breath, slow and even, on the back of her neck. His hearts beat a pattern through her back, instantly calming her. She snuggled closer, unable to stop herself. 

The Doctor waited, gently stroking her forearm with his thumb as he watched her slip under the waves of exhaustion. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her - she was beautiful. His pinkie grazed her stomach...where his child was growing. 

He recognized when she reached stage 2 REM sleep, and he almost couldn’t bring himself to move. He wanted to lay here with her in his arms, to keep her here forever. But his heart lurched at the reminder that her days were numbered, and that number was lower than he had ever feared. He couldn’t waste any time.

Gently, he placed a kiss on the skin of her temple, and she sighed lightly as he slid out of the bed and back to the library.


	6. Twisted

“This is useless!” The Doctor chucked yet another book on the ground. “I can’t figure anything out with what I’ve got here.”

“Don’t think that way, Doc,” Jack said, flipping through the book in his lap. “The TARDIS library isn’t the only place to find information, is there?”

The Doctor paused for a moment. “You’re onto something there, Jack.” He went over to the computer screen on the desk, turning it on.

“TARDIS has wi-fi?” Jack asked, chuckling.

“The TARDIS has access to anything at any time on anything on the internet and on any device connected to the internet. If we can’t find information on this, we can bloody well figure out where to find it.” The Doctor’s fingers danced across the keyboard.

“It’s all in Gallifreyan,” Jack said as he bent over to look at the screen.

“Yes, that tends to happen when you’re a Gallifreyan. I’ll switch the languages so you can read too…” The screen suddenly changed, filled with words now instead of circles, lines, and dots. “There. Now...ah, this looks promising.” The Doctor clicked on an article, and they both skimmed. “That’s interesting…I’d need a ultrasound scan on her, but maybe we could figure out…”

“Maybe if you did a scan every day to take measurements, you could compare it to both normal Time Lord measurements and normal human measurements, and we could get a relatively close due date.”

The Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “Or the date of her death.”

“Knock it off, Doctor. She’s not going to die, not with us to save her.”

“Jack, there’s some things I can’t stop. I can stop invasions, I can stop daleks from killing people, but I can’t stop her heart from giving out. It’s going to be too much!” He shoved away from the computer, pacing across the floor.

“When’s the last time you got some sleep, Doctor?”

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Doctor, you’re running on empty. You’re getting frustrated, you need rest. I’ll do some searching on the computer, see what I can find.”

The Doctor didn’t want to admit Jack was right. He didn’t want to waste any time when he didn’t know how much time they had. “Fine, but we’re running a scan on Rose. You wake me up if you find anything.”

Jack sat at the desk, nodding at the Doctor before turning to the screen. 

The Doctor walked slowly down the hallway, trying to calm himself down. He didn’t want to think about losing Rose, but every time he closed his eyes, he saw her dying a thousand different ways, and every time it stopped his hearts. 

Rose. He should check on her before he went to bed. He stopped in front of her door. “Rose?” he said, listening. No movement. He cracked the door open, peeking in. She wasn’t in her bed, but he could hear the soft sounds of the shower running. 

 

Just as he turned to leave, there was a rather loud bang, followed by a cry. The Doctor raced across the room, flinging open the bathroom door.

“Ouch….OW!” Rose’s form moved behind the smokey glass of the shower.

“Rose-”

“EEP!!! Doctor, what’re you-”

“Sorry, I came to check on you, and then I heard you scream. Are you all right?”

“I just fell, I….Ouch.”

“Not all right, then?”

“I might have twisted my ankle. Can’t put weight on it.”

“Rose...I could help you, with your permission of course.”

“Nothin’ you haven’t seen already, I suppose. Ouch!” He saw her hand reach up, and the shower door slowly scraped open. He couldn’t see much through the hot steam of the shower, but he could tell she was sitting on the small seat in the corner. He grabbed a white fluffy towel from the cabinet, averting his eyes as he stepped into the shower with her. 

“So shy, Doctor?” She said with a smile, looking up at him. 

“I’ll take you to the infirmary, run a quick scan and make sure you didn’t break anything.”

“Alright.” She took the towel from him. “Just let me…” Just as he reached to turn off the hot water, she struggled to get the towel around her and slipped sideways, and he flung himself at her.

Hot water seeped through his clothes as his eyes locked with Rose’s...her naked body caught in his arms. Her fingers clutched his forearms, steadying herself in his grip. Her soft wet skin under his fingers trembled. The shower was filled with steam and the scent of her. 

Slowly, her fingers danced up his arm, reaching up to cradle the side of his jaw. She leaned closer, and gently pressed her lips to his. “Doctor…” she whispered, but he pulled her close, deepening the kiss.

“Doctor?!” A voice came from the hallway, and the Doctor jerked away from her. 

“Hang on, Jack!” he yelled, reaching up and turning the water off while Rose wrapped the only-slightly-wet towel around her body. The Doctor looked down at her when she was adequately covered, scooping her up bridal-style into his arms. He walked through her bedroom, passing Jack, who had been standing just inside of the door. “Jack, do me a favor, grab her robe off of that chair there and bring it to the infirmary.” Jack nodded, but Rose caught him wagging his eyebrows at her before they turned the corner into the hallway.

A few steps, and they were entering the infirmary. Jack walked in just as the Doctor was laying her down gently on the bed. “What happened, Rose?” Jack asked, handing her the fuzzy pink robe. 

“I jus’ slipped is all.” She slipped the robe over her shoulders, the towel still wrapped around her body. The Doctor sat and lifted her ankle so that her foot was resting in his lap, and he waved the sonic screwdriver around it. The towel had creeped up her thigh, and he tried to ignore the creamy flesh that he had just seconds ago been aching to touch. 

Jack smirked at Rose. “Oh, Jack, stop it, nothing was going on, I just slipped and fell and thank goodness the Doctor heard me.”

“Whatever you say, Rose. Just save the acrobatics for the bedroom.”

“JACK!” Rose’s face turned red, and the Doctor clicked off the screwdriver. 

“It’s just twisted. I’ve got a healing patch I can wrap around your ankle, but it’ll still be sore for about 6 hours until the healing is done. You’ll have to stay off of it until then.”

“Stay in here for six hours?” she asked.

“No, I could carry you back to your room, if you prefer.”

“Yes, please. I don’t exactly like being in here.”

The Doctor nodded while he wrapped a white piece of gauze around a sticky bandage on her ankle. “First though...I was wondering if you’d allow me to do an ultrasound scan...Jack and I figured if we could track the measurements for a few days, we could come up with a fairly accurate date...it’d at least let us know what kind of time we have to work with.”

“Sure…” Rose squirmed a bit.

“Don’t worry, Rose. This will only help us. And I promise it won’t hurt.” He took her hand, and she nodded. He turned, getting a small machine ready, and she watched him. His movements were swift and precise, but he looked tense. She felt Jack’s gaze on her, and she looked up at him as he moved to stand by her shoulder. 

“So, no sexytime in the shower? Why’s his shirt wet, then?” He whispered to her.

“Jack! It’s because I slipped in the shower.”

“Doing what? Him?” He wagged his eyebrows again, and she smacked his arm.

“No! He wasn’t even in there until I fell.”

“Whatever you say…”

Rose looked at the Doctor, who was still working at the machine, and then looked back at Jack with a question in her eyes, and he knew her well enough to read it. “He hasn’t slept, Rose. He’s running on fumes, and he’s worried about you.”

“He can hear just fine, you know.” The Doctor turned around. “And I’m fine. Rose. I’ll get some sleep once I’m done here. Promise.” He held up a wand coated in blue gel and looked at her awkwardly.

“Oh, you need to get to my stomach...uhm…” She looked down at the towel wrapped around her. “Here, I’ll just wrap the robe around my top half and move this towel down….there.” She laid back, baring her stomach. “Do your thing, Doctor.” She smiled at him, trying to make him feel better, but it only made him feel worse. She was laying in the infirmary with a twisted ankle and numbered days, yet she was trying to make him feel better? He took a deep breath to steady himself before placing the wand on her stomach, gently moving it around while looking at the scan screen. 

“Ah….Jack, you see that?” The Doctor pointed to a spot on the screen.

“Yessir.”

“What?” Rose asked, lifting her head.

“That, Rose...that’s the baby.”

Rose looked closer. It took a second for her eyes to adjust to the fuzzy black and white picture, but suddenly she could make out the outline. “Oh my God…” she whispered.

The Doctor used his free hand to begin typing in commands, and white lines started appearing and disappearing around the sides of the blip on the screen. “Well…we’ve got two arms and two legs. Heartbeat is showing up in the normal range for a Time Lord, but unfortunately this thing won’t give us a sound like human machines will.”

“So the baby’s a Time Lord?” Rose asked.

“Don’t know yet. Won’t truly know unless I could get a sample of the amniotic fluid, and since I consider this a high risk pregnancy, I don’t feel comfortable enough to go poking around in there just for the sake of knowing.”

“Too right, you are! I don’t think I feel comfortable with you talking about poking around my bits!” Jack snickered beside her, and she glared at him.

“Well, you may have to...there’s noone in the universe qualified to handle this, noone who has the knowledge that we do. When it’s time, I’m going to have to…” the Doctor’s voice cut off, and he closed his eyes, trying to stave off the images of his nightmares, of watching Rose die.

“Oh, bloody hell.” Rose covered her face in embarassment. “Well, I don’t suppose I’d care much once it happens, but still…”

The Doctor turned off the machine, handing her a paper towel to clean the gunk off of her stomach. She sat up, arranging her robe to cover her. “I’m going to take you to your room, but then I’m going to get the TARDIS ready to land. There’s a planet called Cynorm, the university library there may have information that will help us, but it’s farther than we’ve ever gone before. I promise I will get some sleep before we materialize, after I check on the TARDIS.”

Rose nooded, and he scooped her up again. “Jack, could you get Rose some food? And some tea?”

“I’ll be there in a bit, Rose.” Jack winked at her before he left, and the Doctor carried her to her room.

Once she was covered up and propped up in her bed by her many pillows, she grabbed his hand, pulling him to sit down next to her. “Doctor, is everything...well, is everything okay with the baby?”

“From what I can tell on the scan, yes.” 

“Then why do you keep looking at me like you have bad news?”

The Doctor took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Rose, I just need some sleep. I’ll be fine. There’s nothing wrong that I can tell. I’m just worried about you.”

“Doctor, don’t lie to me. You’re not okay, I can see it in your eyes.”

“Don’t worry about me, Rose.” His thumb stroked circles into the back of her hand. “I’m not the one who may be dying.”

“Doctor, I’m human. I’m going to die at some point or another, and you’re going to have to deal with it. The universe needs you. I’m just a human.”

“Rose, you’re so much more than that,” he snapped, “and don’t you ever talk down about yourself like that again. You’re not just some human.”

Rose bit her lip at his harsh voice, but Jack appeared in the doorway before anything else could be said. The Doctor didn’t look at her again, just squeezed her hand again before getting up and walking out.

“What did I just walk into?” Jack asked, handing her a steaming cup of tea.

Rose sighed. “Just me saying the wrong thing again. I’m worried about him.”

“He’s more worried about you. He’s working so hard to figure this out, Rose.” He handed her a plate of scrambled eggs and toast. “I think he’s just annoyed that you’re so worried about him, but you don’t seem to care what happens to you.”

“I do care, I just-”

“You don’t care if you die on him.”

“Jack...I don’t want to die. I don’t. But this baby...Jack, it’s part of him, and I can’t just give up.”

“You’re giving up on him.”

“I’m not! Jack, I love him. I love him. I love him so much. But I’m never going to be enough for him. He doesn’t love me, and I-”

“Don’t you dare, Rose,” Jack said, his voice deep and serious. "Right now, he's taking us to the other side of the universe to find a way to save you. No other human has ever had a man do that for them. So I don't want to hear you say he doesn't love you. There isn't a word strong enough for what he feels for you. Don't underestimate him. He’s fighting so hard for you, Rose. He’s going to fail if you don’t fight, too. And if he fails and loses you…there’s noone in the universe that can save us.”

A sob burst from Rose’s chest, and Jack took her plate from her and pulled her into his arms. “Hey, look, I’m sorry. It just kills me, sitting here and watching you both suffer so much. Neither one of you can see how much you love each other, and it’s almost physically painful to watch. I didn’t mean to be harsh, I’m only trying to help.” He stroked her hair, letting her cry into his shoulder. “You and he probably have the most complicated relationship in existence. Romeo and Juliet have nothing on you two.”

“Oh shut up, Jack.”

“It’s true. At least those two could admit to each other that they were in love.”

“He doesn’t feel the same, Jack.”

“Then tell me honestly that nothing at all happened in that shower.”

Rose thought of that kiss, when she was naked in the Doctor’s arms, and blushed.

“Exactly.”

“Jack...thanks for coming. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Damn straight.” Jack nodded, laughing. “So, six hours...could do a movie marathon. TARDIS have any good movies?” he asked, reaching for the remote to her telly. She nodded, giggling, and settled herself against Jack as he clicked buttons, searching for the perfect movie to occupy her brain and keep her from worrying about the lonely Doctor.


	7. Diary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search is on more more information about human-Time Lord relations, when Rose stumbles across the diary of a girl who had also carried the child of a Time Lord. The Doctor attempts to stop pushing Rose away, but finds the task greater than he could imagine.

Blood. There was blood everywhere. 

Dripping. The only sound. Blood dripping onto the stone floor. It was all over.

His hands were red, stained with it. His white shirt covered with splotches of it. It even dripped out of his hair. 

He couldn’t move.

The Doctor sat on the floor, and he couldn’t move. He couldn’t do anything but stare at the hand. Her hand. Her pale white hand hanging limp. Covered in blood.

She laid there on the table in front of him, unmoving. Covered in blood.

He sat, staring. He couldn’t move. He just sat there. Covered in blood.

The only sound was the dripping. 

Because her heart was no longer beating.

Therefore, neither was his.

~~~

The Doctor shot up in bed, gasping for breath. He had apparently been holding his breath in his sleep. But why-

The memory of the dream hit him full force, and a pain shot through his chest. 

Rose.

He had been asleep for five hours, fifty three minutes, and twenty two seconds. After that dream, he had to make sure she was okay.

His feet carried him without him even thinking. And there she was.

Looking up from the telly to smile at him. Pink cheeks and beating heart. She paused as she took in the sight of him, and her smile faded. “Doctor? What’s wrong?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Nothing, everything’s fine, I just...needed to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine, Doctor, as you can see. I’ve actually been entertained by Jack - apparently he likes Frozen. He can sing all of the songs, and so we ended up having a bit of a sing along in here.”

“It was pretty hilarious,” Jack admitted. “Rose makes a great Hans.”

Rose giggled, looking back at the Doctor. Then, she held out her hand to him.

The same one that had been covered in blood.

He walked over and took it with both of his own, and her smile widened. He couldn’t help but smile back. She looked so beautiful; her skin was glowing, all pink and yellow, and her eyes lit up as they met his own. “I’ve missed that smile, Doctor.”

“I’m sorry, Rose. I know I’ve been distracted by all of this.”

“Don’t apologize, Doctor. I just like seeing you smile.” 

“Oh, go ahead and snog already!” Jack exclaimed. Rose reached over and punched his arm, blushing. 

“How’s the ankle?” the Doctor asked, ignoring Jack.

Rose lifted her wrapped foot. “It feels perfect.” The Doctor started unwrapping her ankle, and a shiver slid up her leg every time his skin brushed her own. Jack smirked at her, and she rolled her eyes as the Doctor tossed the wrappings aside and began waving the Sonic Screwdriver around her ankle.

“It’s healed enough to walk and whatnot. Just try not to run or jump or dance for a few more hours.”

“Oh, how will I go on if I can’t dance?” she asked sarcastically, giggling.

The Doctor put her foot back down. “If you’re ready, I’d like to go ahead and materialize in Cynorm. Jack and I can go to the uni library, and you can stay here and rest.”

“Doctor, let me help. You said yourself I can walk now, and I could do with a bit of fresh air.” Rose sat up, but the Doctor looked sideways at Jack.

“I’m not sure if-”

“Doctor, let me help. I’m not just going to sit back and let you two do all the work. I’m the one this is happening to, and I have a right to figure out what’s happening to me. Please.” 

The Doctor watched her biting her lip, and sighed. “You’re right.”

She smiled. “Of course I am.” She swung her legs around and gingerly tested her weight on her injured foot. “Doesn’t hurt!” She stood fully and walked to her closet, turning before she reached the door. “Uhm...I’m going to get dressed now.”

“Okay,” said the Doctor.

“...Which means I need to undress.”

“Okay.” The Doctor didn’t move until Jack elbowed him. “Ouch, what’d you - oh! Oh, right! Sorry!” He and Jack stood. “We’ll just...erm...go get the TARDIS materialized…”

Jack laughed as he followed the Doctor down the hallway. “Well, that last bit wasn’t awkward at all.”

“I’m not a pervert, I’ve just got a lot on my mind and didn’t catch on as quick.”

“Never said you were a pervert.”

“You were thinking it.”

“No, but I was thinking that you underestimate how much she cares about you.”

“Come again?”

Jack leaned against the jumpseat while the Doctor flipped switches and turned buttons. “You underestimate her feelings for you. You’re worried about her, we both are, but you don’t realize that her attention is on you. She lit up when you smiled at her, you can’t tell me you didn’t see.”

“I did, Jack,” the Doctor sighed, putting his glasses back in his jacket pocket. “I don’t quite understand what you’re getting at here.”

“I think she would feel better if you made the attempt to let her in once in a while. You get close and then push her away. That’s not doing her any good. It’s not doing you any good. You underestimate how much she cares for you.”

“So you’re saying…”

“Stop pushing her away.”

“Jack...you don’t understand. Right now isn’t the best time to even think about how I feel about her. I need to focus on keeping her alive.”

“You’re never going to get her to fight for herself if you don’t give her a reason to-” Jack broke off suddenly, and the Doctor turned around in time to see Rose walking into the control room, her blonde hair pulled back into a messy bun, wearing jeans and her blue leather jacket over a white tee. The flowery scent of her filled the Doctor’s senses, and he smiled at her.

“So, Cynorm?” she asked, bouncing over to stand beside the Doctor.

“Yep,” he said. “We’re just outside the gates of the uni. This planet, they’re hybrids. Half human, half Cycranian. They started out as a small colony on Cycrainia, decided to find their own planet after being ostracized from their society for being only half. They look like humans, except their skin is purple. Anyways, they’re obviously the experts on breeding between species...their uni is the top ranked in this galaxy, and I figured the library was worth a shot.”

Rose nodded, soaking it in. “Okay. Well, I’m ready!” 

Jack stood, offering his arm to her, and she linked hers with his, giggling. The Doctor opened the door, and they stepped into the sunlight…

“Wait, two suns?” Rose asked, staring at the sky.

“Correct. Pretty, isn’t it?”

“Pretty hot. Let’s go!” said Jack. 

Rose held out her free arm to the Doctor, and he linked his with hers. “We’re off to see the wizard!” she giggled. 

“You’ve been waiting for a chance to say that, haven’t you?” the Doctor asked. She nodded, giggling again, and he smiled, leading them down the grass-lined sidewalk. Rose soaked in the sights as they walked towards a large dome-shaped building. 

‘University of Cynorm Libratorium’ read the plaque above the sliding glass doors. Rose sighed as they stepped into the cool. Everywhere she looked, there were shelves and shelves of books. 

“Largest collection outside of The Library,” whispered the Doctor. 

“Anything I can help you with?” A woman with long brown hair and, of course, purple skin asked from behind a counter. Rose tried not to stare at her skin, which was the exact color of crushed grapes.

“No thank you, we’re just browsing.”

“Let me know if you need any help.” She smiled at Rose, who was failing at not staring. The Doctor and Jack pulled her away, and the Doctor steered them through the maze of bookshelves.

“You’ve obviously been here before,” Rose pointed out.

“Once or twice. It helps to have looked at a map first, though.” He winked at her. “Here we go, this row here should have something.”

Rose let go of her escorts and walked up to a shelf, looking at the titles. Some were in different languages, but most were in English, which made her suspect the TARDIS’ being in her mind had something to do with it. 

She slowly walked further down the aisle, turning into the next one. She could see the Doctor and Jack both looking at the same book if she looked through the gap in the shelves. She kept looking that the spines of the colorful books, but stopped when one caught her eye. A small, thin book entitled “The Diary of Amelia Hasselfreameir”

‘What is a diary doing in this section?’ she thought, grabbing the book that had piqued her interest and opening it.

_  
“Helios 4, 13-4.653-4_

_My name is Amelia Hasselfreameir. I am 23 years old. I just found out that I am pregnant._

_I’m so scared. I haven’t told my parents. They’ll be so ashamed! I don’t even know anything about the man, except he was some sort of lord of time. What does that even mean? All I know for sure is that I was really drunk and he wanted me. At least, he wanted me until he had me. Then he disappeared._

_It’s only been two days since then, but my test came out positive. How is that even possible?_

_I decided to start writing this diary, because I have noone I can talk to, and I feel like if I don’t tell someone, I could burst._

_God help me.”_

Rose gasped, realizing she had stumbled upon gold. She looked at the back cover of the book, and sure enough, it was the accounting of a human girl on the planet Heraxia, who was impregnated by a Time Lord. Rose opened the slim book again, sinking down to the floor, reading through. Some of the entries were pointless ramblings, so her attention drifted to the ones that interested her the most.

_  
“Helios 10, 13-4.653-4_

_I’m scared. I’m so scared. My mother remarked that I looked like I was gaining weight. It’s only been 8 days! I’m already showing. How am I going to be able to keep this a secret? I’m going to have to tell them. They already suspect something is going on - I’ve apparently been hard to wake up in the morning. But my dreams - they’re so vivid! My sister actually rolled me out of bed and I didn’t wake up until I hit the floor. Gave me a headache, that did._

_What am I going to do? I don’t have money of my own - I can’t afford to go to the clinic to get rid of it. If I could just figure out how to hide this, give the baby to a nice family somewhere._

_Helios 12, 13-4.653-4_

_I felt it move. I felt the baby move! This is so surreal! I was sweeping out the ashes from the fireplace and suddenly - I felt it! Just this movement in my stomach. Made me a bit queasy, my stomach turned a bit, but I felt it!_

_I’ve certainly developed a stomach. I’ve managed to hide it so far by wearing my apron, but this is all so fast that I don’t know how I’m going to hide much longer. I don’t know what to do. I still don’t have a plan._

_Helios 28, 13-4.653-4_

_My parents have been on a trip - Auntie has been sick, and they went to help her. They should be back any day, and I’m so scared. I’m not able to hide it anymore. Sister knows. I had to tell her. I think she understands, but she would threaten to call Mum if I made her cross. At least someone knows. I look like I should be 6 months gone! I’ve been eating everything in sight, but I’ve been tossing most of it back up. It’s hard to bend over, too. I’ve been sleeping on the couch because I lose my breath just climbing the stairs. The movements are stronger - if I lay very still, I can even see my stomach moving!_

_Julios 3, 13-4.653-4_

_My parents came home and took one look at me and knew. It’s all over. Daddy smacked my face and I couldn’t keep myself upright, so I fell to the floor. I’ve been so weak. But hearing the both of them yelling at me was just too much. Apparently I fainted, and Daddy carried me to my bed._

_It’s so hard to write. It’s hard to breathe, I feel like I have a boulder on top of me. I’m so skinny now, everywhere except my stomach. I suppose because I’ve been so sick. I can see my heartbeat just my looking at the throbbing veins in my arm. I’m so so tired. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. I’m only praying Daddy doesn’t throw me out.”_

Rose turned the page, but there was only one more entry, undated.

_  
“My daughter, Amelia Hasselfremeir, died Julios 4,13-4.653-4 at 2:03 in the morning. I found her body lying cold in her bed. The doctor suspects she went into labor, but her heart wasn’t up to the task and gave out. The baby is dead as well. We bury them today, next to her stillborn sister. The doctor was interested in this diary, and I’ve been unable to bring myself to allow him to take it to be given to the medical society for knowledge. I will do so today. If I can save a parent from losing their child, I will do anything. God help the man who did this to my daughter. Time Lord or not, I will kill him.”_

Rose closed the book, realizing that her cheeks were wet with tears. One month. Amelia had only lived for one month. It had been four days since she and the Doctor…

“Rose?” The Doctor’s head peeked around the corner to see her sitting on the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks. He rushed over to her, followed by Jack. “Rose, are you okay?” Rose shook her head and handed him the diary. He stood, flipping it open, reading through the pages twice as quickly as she had. Jack sat down next to her, throwing his arm around her shoulders.

“She was dead within a month, Jack,” she whispered.

“Rose, you’re shaking.” Jack held up one of Rose’s trembling hands and looked at the Doctor, who was still looking at the diary, running a hand slowly through his hair, his eyes wide. He was muttering under his breath in Gallifreyan. He closed the book, took one look at Rose, and put it back on the shelf. 

“Jack, you keep looking, see what you can find. I’m going to take Rose back to the TARDIS. I’ll come and get you in a while and we can get some lunch, okay?” 

Jack nodded, and the Doctor helped Rose to her feet. She clutched his arm as he led her out into the bright sunlight, back toward the TARDIS. “Rose, concentrate on your breathing, please.” It was only then that she realized she was close to hyperventilating. “Slow, deep breaths, Rose.” He opened the door of the TARDIS and led her inside, turning into the first door in the hallway, which happened to be his own. Rose suspected the TARDIS has something to do with that fact, but she was too busy trying to slow down her thoughts to give it much attention. The Doctor guided her to sit on his bed, and he stepped into his bathroom, coming back with a cool, wet washcloth and placed it on the back of her neck.

“S-s-sorry…” Rose stammered, placing her hands on her knees.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. Just breathe. You’re close to having an anxiety attack, and that is most certainly not the best thing for your body right now. Concentrate on calming yourself.” Rose lifted her eyes to meet his own, and he could feel her muscles relax slightly under his touch as he rubbed up and down her arms. She took one deep breath and let it out slowly, and he nodded in support. “That’s it,” he said. 

“A month,” she whispered. “I have a month.”

“Rose, don’t think about that right now, just breathe.”

“How can I not, Doctor? I mean...I just didn’t expect…”

The Doctor moved to sit beside her, lacing his fingers with her own. “Regular Time Lord pregnancies are a third of the time of regular human pregnancies. From what I gathered before I checked on you, humans are the most compatible species with Time Lords, but the length is shorter. The fetus’ DNA knows that unless it grows quickly in the womb, there won’t be a chance at survival. But that diary is the first timeline that I was able to find.” He reached up and lifted her chin to look at him. “Rose, I promise you that it won’t come to that. She had no medical care - if she had, she might have had a better chance. Look at what you have - you have a TARDIS with the best medical equipment all at your disposal.”

“And my own personal Doctor,” she said.

“Too right.” The Doctor smiled at her. “Don’t you worry, Rose. I’m doing everything I can, and you finding that diary has given us some tremendous insight. Now we know what we have to prepare for. I wouldn’t be as optimistic if we were still flying blind.” Jack’s words echoed in his mind, and he had to admit he was right - he had to give her a reason to fight for herself. “Rose, I know it’s hard, but I’m here for you. Whatever you want. I’m going to take care of you.”

“I feel bad. You’re so focused on me when you could be off saving the universe or something.”

“Rose…” His hand cradled her cheek. “I can’t save the universe without you by my side. I don’t want to travel without you.”

Rose’s eyes widened slightly at his words. He had travelled for hundreds of years before meeting her, and he had made it clear from the start that he didn’t want any domestics. Had things really changed that much? ‘You dolt, of course they have…’ Her mind brought up the Doctor, hovering over her, his skin unrestrained against her own…

“Feeling any better?”

“Yes...sorry I freaked out like that.”

“Don’t be sorry. Anyone would have been shaken by that kind of information. I want you to take some comfort in the fact that we now know enough to be confident about this. And we’re still working.”

“Yeah, maybe we should go get Jack, I’m sure he’s hungry.”

“Are you?” The Doctor asked, helping her to stand.

“Stomach’s a bit queasy, but I should at least try, eh?” The Doctor nodded, wrapping his arm around her and resting his hand gently on her waist, guiding her out. She couldn’t think of anything but the light touch of his fingers against her hip as they walked. Just as they reached the front doors, Jack walked out.

“Saw you guys coming. You okay, Rose?” She nodded. “So, where to, Doctor?”

The Doctor led them to another building, and into a small, brightly lit restaurant. “Whatever you do,” he said, pulling out a chair for Rose to sit, “don’t eat anything with ‘hamlock’ in it.”

“What’s that?” Rose asked.

“It’s a type of bug here. Nasty. Trust me.”

Rose wrinkled her nose, holding up the menu. “Well, I suppose the macaroni and cheese is safe…”

“If you aren’t turned off by green cheese,” the Doctor said.

“Ugh! What about the soup?”

“I’d stick with the minestrone, the chicken noodle was never their best.”

Rose rolled her eyes, putting down the menu when the waitress strode over, eyes locked on the Doctor. “Hello…” she said, licking her lips slightly. “And what could I get for you today?” She was clearly addressing the whole table, but her eyes were locked on the Doctor. The Doctor, however, motioned to Rose to order first, and received a glare from the waitress when she spoke. Jack at least got a semi-friendly look.

“And do you see anything you like?” she asked, turning back to the Doctor.

“I’ll just have the house salad with garlic vinaigrette dressing, thanks.” He handed the menu to her without looking at her, and she stalked back to the kitchen. He winked at Rose, who giggled.

“Well, something you don’t see everyday. Unless you’re travelling with...you.” Jack said.

“Whatever do you mean, Jack?” the Doctor asked innocently.

“Women fawning over you, of course. I’m sure you had Rose wrapped around your finger from the moment you met her.”

The Doctor’s eyes met Rose’s again. “I’m not sure that’s correct. It was the other way around, actually.” He smiled as Rose’s eyes dropped, a blush brightening her face. Jack smirked across the table at him, his eyebrows raised. “Don’t cut yourself short, Jack. Both men and women swoon when they see you, but it’s hard to look past my own gorgeousness.”

“Hey, I’ve got a fork right here, I’m not afraid to use it.”

“And I’ve got a spoon, you can do so much more with a spoon.”

“Yeah, Rose likes your spoon. Told me so herself.”

“JACK!” Rose exclaimed, kicking him under the table.

“What?! I only speak the truth, you know.”

“Oh yeah? Con man,” Rose muttered.

“Hey, not that again.”

“Mummyyyyy….” The Doctor said in a high voice.

“Shut up,” Jack said, crossing his arms and attempting to look annoyed.

Rose suddenly was aware of pressure on top of her fingers. She looked at the hand she had placed flat on the table to see the Doctor’s fingers lightly resting atop her own. She bit her lip, trying not to smile.

The waitress came back with their food and a fresh glare for Rose as she saw her hand with the Doctor’s. He didn’t move his hand, even as he dug into his salad, which looked less like a salad and more like a bowl of turquoise grass. The soup was good, comforting and warm, and Rose felt much better after they had finished. Walking back to the TARDIS, the Doctor held her hand and she caught another eyebrow-wagging look from Jack.

Jack volunteered to go back to the library for a few hours, but the Doctor wanted to check some diagnostics on the TARDIS, so Jack departed from them as the Doctor pulled out the TARDIS key and unlocked the door. Rose wandered off to her room, but could feel a restlessness in herself. She paced around a bit, but then a blue string hanging out of her dresser drawer caught her eye. Of course! Perfect.

The Doctor pulled himself out from under the console when he heard a distant splashing sound. It took him a moment to place it - of course, it was the rarely-used swimming pool. The sound seemed to be closer than it usually was…

The TARDIS hummed quietly to him. Ah. She had moved it for him. She wanted him to stop working and join Rose. He moved to crawl back under the console, but the humming changed into an insistent note, and he sighed. “All right, bossypants,” he muttered. 

Rose swam from one side of the perfectly teal pool to the other, and back again with even strokes. She had forgotten how calming it was to swim like this. It helped that the water was the absolute perfect temperature, and artificial sunlight streamed through a glass ceiling. She stopped, holding onto the side of the pool as she caught her breath, but was startled when she came face to face with a pair of feet. Looking up, she found them connected to a nearly-naked Doctor.

“Oh, hello!” she said, trying to stay cool. But those swim trunks…

“I heard you in here, thought I’d like a dip too. You mind?”

“No, of course.” At Rose’s words, the Doctor pounced, tucking his feet under him just before he hit the water and sending a wave splashing right at her.

His head broke the surface, and Rose giggled uncontrollably at the sight of his raggedy hair plastered flat to his face. He swept it out of the way with a smile on his face. “Perfect water, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is,” Rose said, breathless with laughter. She pushed off from the wall, swinging her legs up and spreading her arms out on either side, letting herself float on the surface, closing her eyes.

The Doctor let the water carry him, watching her. Her blond hair had been let out of its ponytail and fanned itself out in the water under her. The brown bikini she had on hugged her body, showing off her creamy white skin...and he could see her stomach, which had once been flat, beginning to swell. The slightest of curves sat there where once there had been none. His child.

Suddenly, Rose felt his hands touching her back lightly, and she opened her eyes to find him hovering above her. She flipped up to face him, her toes barely touching the bottom of the pool. The Doctor’s arms encircled her, pulling her toward him just as she felt the wall press against her back. Her eyes were locked with his, and he leaned forward ever so slowly.

And then suddenly, it was all sensation. His lips slammed against hers, and her nails dug into his neck at the sudden rush of passion. His scent, heady and musky, enveloped her. His hands were all over, both holding her up in the water and touching her skin anywhere they could. When she opened her mouth to gasp for air, his tongue darted in, claiming it. Her back pressed harder against the wall as she swung her legs up to wrap around his hips, and he pressed himself against her, making her moan at just that slightest friction. His lips moved down to claim her throat, nipping and sucking at the skin there.

“Doctor,” Rose half-whispered, half-moaned, grinding her hips into his, feeling his hardness against her own throbbing heat, bringing a moan ripping up from his throat…

And then he closed his eyes.

Blood.

Blood everywhere.

Her blood.

“Doctor!”

He opened his eyes. He was halfway across the pool, and Rose was clinging to the side, looking at him with a look of pure confusion.

“Rose...I...I’m sorry...I just….” How? How could he put this into words? How do you explain to someone how much you need them, more than air, but at the same time how absolutely terrified you are, afraid to the point of being paralyzed, that anything you do could lead to their death? If you give in, are you signing their death certificate? If you pull away, if the damage goign to be more than heartbreak? How do you explain this to a confused and frightened girl? “I’m so so sorry, Rose...I need some time, I’m sorry…” He quickly swam for the edge of the pool, pulling himself out and walking out of the room. 

Rose was left fighting her own tears, clinging to the wall of the pool and the fragmented pieces of her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously, I'm taking a lot of creative licence with the 'facts' of how a Time Lord/human pregnancy would progress. But, it's so much fun! Don't worry loves - I've got big big plans in store.


	8. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't planned on posting this chapter on Christmas, but I just couldn't wait! Merry Christmas!!!

As Jack walked back into the TARDIS after the suns had set and the moon was rising, he was greeted by loud bangs and clangs coming from down the hallway. He followed the noise into the kitchen to see Rose standing at the counter stirring a large bowl furiously. She looked up without stopping her spoon when he walked in. She had flour in her hair and on her shirt, and the counter was covered by various bowls, pans, and cookie sheets.

“Are we expecting an army?” Jack asked, curiously looking into one of the bowls.

“No. I just needed to do something before I exploded.”

“So you’re cooking?”

“Baking. I’m baking. The cookies over there on the table should be cool enough to eat now, if you want one.” She jerked her head over at the table, which was piled with several different types of cookies. Jack selected a jelly-filled one.

“Don’t girls bake when they’re upset or something?”

“I do. Sometimes. But that’s a sexist thing to say.”

“Hey, I cater to all the sexes. You know me.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Well, you’re right in this instance.” She set the bowl down and leaned her back against the counter. “He did it again.”

“Pushed you away?”

Rose nodded. “I don’t know how much more I can take. He comes close, and just when I think he’s finally...He just disappears. He becomes someone I don’t know, someone who won’t let me in, someone who locks the doors right in my face. I can’t get him to let me in, no matter how hard I try, and I’m just so ready to give up, but I can’t because I love him.” She took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay. “So, I bake. Or I swim, but I just did that and…well, I’m baking now.”

“I gotta admit, you’re good at this.” Jack picked up another cookie.

“I’m doing brownies next, care to help?”

“Sure. Maybe I’ll learn a thing or two.” Jack smiled at Rose, but kept his thoughts to himself. He needed to talk to the Doctor, but right now Rose was more important. 

The Doctor sat on his bed, having stood in his shower for half an hour. He ran his hands through his still-wet hair. His mind kept switching between the red blood splattered on white walls...and the look on Rose’s face before he turned and left the pool. Her lips still red from his urgent kisses…

He had promised to take care of her, and then pushed her away. She needed stability...now more than ever. She might not be here in a month.

This thought, however painful, gave him an idea. 

The Doctor stood, straightening his clothes before wandering down the hallway. He heard laughter just as he walked into the kitchen to find…

“Hey! Stop that!”

 

“You started it!”

“Now it’s in my hair!”

 

“Hey!” Jack dodged a flying egg and threw a fistfull of flour at Rose, who shrieked and threw her arms uselessly over her head just as the flour hit her.

“Oh, now you’re gonna get -” She stopped, catching sight of the Doctor leaning in the doorway. She straightened up, and Jack turned around.

“Doctor. Hi. We’ll clean this up. Rose was just trying to teach me how to make brownies from scratch.”

“Until you held up the beaters while they were still on!”

“Simple miscommunication, I thought you said lift them up, not turn them up.”

Rose shrugged, and flour fell like snow from her shoulders. Her eyes wouldn’t meet the Doctor’s, and that made his stomach twist. She turned, passively stirring the bowl of brownie batter on the counter.

“Rose, I was wondering...since we’re done here, maybe you’d like to go see your mum.”

“I’m not leaving, if that’s what you mean. You’re not just-”

“No, Rose, I wouldn’t suggest that. I just meant...your mum should know. Just in case something does happen.” His voice cracked, but he kept going. “At the very least, seeing her would bring you some comfort.”

Rose pondered this as she lifted a spoonful of batter and watching it drizzle back into the bowl. “You’re right,” she said with a small voice. “Mum deserves to know. I’d rather have the chance to explain things while I’m still alive, rather than having it all thrown on her when I come back in a body bag.”

Jack spoke before the Doctor could. “Rose, do not talk like that.”

“Why not? ‘Cause there’s a chance that it might not happen? Glad you’re so optimistic, but you’re not the one dying.” Rose set the spoon back in the bowl. “Jack, could you just pour this into that pan there and throw it in the oven? I’m going to get cleaned up.” She hurried out of the room, sliding past the Doctor without looking at him.

Jack picked up the bowl and began scraping the contents into a square baking pan, “You’re not leaving her there, you know.”

“I know.”

“She’s got no chance at survival without you whether you like it or not.”

“I know.”

“Then you know she’s also got no chance at survival unless you stop being such a git.” 

The Doctor sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Jack, I know. I’m trying, I really am. But every time I close my eyes, I see her dead, and it just destroys me. It’s not real, and it destroys me. I’m so scared for her, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to save her.”

Jack put the empty bowl in the sink and slid the batter in the oven before saying “Doctor, if you can’t stand by her side, how can you expect her to fight?”

The Doctor ran a hand through his hair. “You’re handling this so much better than I am.”

“Because she’s like my sister. I love her in a different way. And she knows I love her.”

“She knows I love her, too.”

“That’s the thing, she doesn’t. At least, she doesn’t know how much. Maybe taking her home, somewhere she feels safe, might be a good opportunity to show her.”

The Doctor sat down at the table, picking up a cookie. “Jack, have I said lately how grateful I am that you came aboard?”

“Not nearly often enough.” Jack smiled at him.

Rose came to the control room, freshly showered and dressed, to find both men working at the console, flipping switches and pressing buttons. The whoosh-ing sound of the TARDIS travelling through the vortex reached a peak and slowly died down as she danced up the steps to stand beside Jack. 

“So, Jack, are you staying with us, or…”

“I don’t want to impose myself, and I figured it’d be as good a time as any to check back in with Torchwood, see if they have any information in the database that could help. How long were you thinking of staying?”

Rose shrugged. “Eh, just a night. No more than two. Mum can be a bit overbearing, and I love her, but I don’t think I can handle that right now.” She glanced at the Doctor, half expecting him to tell her that she wouldn’t be coming back to the TARDIS, but he said nothing. He took a mallet and hit the side of the console, and she heard the TARDIS hum in annoyance, as she always did when he brought out the mallet. 

The TARDIS finally quieted, and Rose went to open the doors. “Doctor! You owe me a new coffee table!” Rose’s mum’s voice travelled into the TARDIS, and her blonde head peeked in. “Wha’ were ya thinkin’, parkin the TARDIS in the middle of the living room!”

“Sorry, Jackie, I meant to park it right outside, but exact measurements are a bit tricky.”

“Oh, all righ’, come on, I got some tea on!” Rose followed her mum out into the apartment and into the kitchen. “Rose, I’m so glad you came.” Jackie pulled her into a tight hug. “I have a party to go to tonight, you remember Hannah? Her husband is having some sort of fancy benefit party for the orphanage he just opened, and I was invited, and you, too. You can bring the Doctor, too, if you like. It’s really fancy, black tie.” Jackie went over to the stove to take the whistling teapot off of the burner. “You still have your old prom dress? That looks so lovely on you.”

“Yeah, mum.”

“Wear that, then. We’ve got a few hours still, it’s only three, and the benefit doesn’t start until six. I can help you do your hair!”

Rose laughed. “Thanks, mum. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, Rose! You’re never going to believe…” Jackie delved into the lastest gossip, and Rose half-listened as she chattered away, pouring the tea and handing Rose a steaming cup.

About five minutes later, the Doctor walked in. “Hi, Jackie,” he said, pulling her into a hug. “Jack already left for Torchwood, he’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“Mum’s got a party tonight, d’you wanna go?” Rose asked, avoiding his eyes.

“If you’d like me to,” he said softly, taking a cup of tea offered by Jackie. 

“So it’s settled, then!” Jackie exclaimed. “It’s black tie, Doctor, so I hope you have a nice suit.”

“I have several on the TARDIS. Shall I get ready now?”

“We leave in about two hours, ‘cause of the traffic. They’re even sending a limo to pick us up! But you know me, I hate those things, I’d rather drive myself, so you and the Doctor, you can have the limo, yeah?” Jackie’s smile was so big that Rose couldn’t do anything but accept.

“I’ll see you in a bit then, I’ll clean up.” The Doctor set his now empty cup in the sink, his fingers reaching out to brush Rose’s hand before walking back to the TARDIS. Jackie prodded Rose into her bedroom, making her strip off her clothes and tie on a robe while she searched the closet for the old prom dress. 

“So,” Jackie said, picking up the curling iron from her armoire and plugging it in, “What’s going on with you and ‘im?”

Rose was thrown off a bit by this question. “What d’you mean?”

“Well, you two look like a married couple working out a tiff.”

“ ‘s not like that, mum.”

“Oh, come on, don’t give me that. I’m not stupid. You can’t tell me you don’t see how he looks at you. ‘s like you’re the most fragile thing in the world, and he wants to wrap himself around you to protect you. It’s beautiful, really,” Jackie said, maneuvering Rose to sit in front of the mirror so that she could brush out her hair into silky strands of gold.

“I dunno, mum...it’s like he runs hot and cold...just when I think he’s gonna say it...he backs away like I’m on fire.”

“Oh, Rose, he may be alien, but he’s still just a man! Now sit still, I don’t want to burn you like I did last time.”

Rose sighed, closing her mouth and watching her reflection as her mom twisted chunks of hair around the hot barrel of the curling iron. How was she going to be able to tell her mom what was going on? She couldn’t tell her that she would probably die - she knew she didn’t have the guts to tell her that. So she let her mum chatter on happily.

Two and a half hours later, Jackie was tapping her foot in the hallway, looking at Rose’s closed door, clutching at her purse. “Come one, Rose, or we’ll be late!” The Doctor appeared around the corner. “Ah, Doctor, don’t you clean up nice!”

“Aw, Jackie, you look lovely. Purple suits you well,” said the Doctor, making Jackie blush.

“Well, we aren’t gettin’ anywhere if this one doesn’t get a move on!”

“Mum! Stop it! It’s this bloody zipper!” Rose’s voice came from behind her door.

“You need help, Rose?”

“Not with the Doctor standin’ right there, mum! I got it...these blasted shoes...There!” Rose opened the door and stepped out with a sigh. The Doctor struggled to keep his jaw from dropping open; he had never seen Rose so dressed up, and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Her hair was a mess of golden curls, loosely pinned back from her face and hanging in ringlets down the back of her neck, Her eyes were brightened by silver eyeshadow, and her skin seemed to glow. Her dress was simple, but on her it was a vision, all light pink chiffon and bits of lace on the bodice, two thin straps holding it on her shoulders. The fabric seemed to flow around her like water. The sight of her seemed to take his breath away, and he struggled for words. Rose bit her lip lightly, her eyes meeting his for the first time since the pool. In that instant, he could see how badly his actions had hurt her - she looked like an angel who had been berated, looking for approval from her savior once again. 

“Rose…” he breathed, “you look incredible.” He took a step toward her, taking her hand and lightly twirling her, watching the material float around her as she turned. “You’re a vision.”

“Come on, you lovebirds, you can ogle each other on the way, the limo’s here!” Jackie shooed them out of the door, waving them towards the limo before rushing to her own car. The Doctor held the door of the limo open for Rose, who gave him a small smile before climbing in.

When the Doctor sat and shut the door, he couldn’t help but notice the distance Rose put between them. She was sitting as close to the window as possible, her tiny silver purse in her lap. Her hand was on the leather seat beside her, and the Doctor lightly covered it with his own. He heard her heart speed up slightly, but she didn’t move it, and so he laced his fingers with hers.

“You truly look fantastic, Rose.”

She smiled. “You clean up well.”

His thumb traced circles on the back of her hand. “Are you feeling okay?”

Rose paused - it was a pretty loaded question, considering everything that had happened. “I feel fine. Not sick or anything. Worried about Mum, though. I don’t know how to tell her, and she was so excited about this party, I didn’t want to tell her and ruin it for her…”

“It’s okay, Rose. You can tell her in the morning, or you can wait. It’s up to you. If you want me to be there…”

“I think...I think I’d feel better if you were. Although you’re risking getting slapped by her again.”

“I’ll take my chances. Jackie’s the only person I’d volunteer to be slapped by.” 

Rose giggled, and he smiled at the sound. The limo stopped, and the driver opened the door. The Doctor stepped out, offering his hand to Rose to help her out. They walked up the steps together, and Rose handed her purse to the coat check before they started for the reception room. “And you are?” asked the man behind the podium just inside the door. 

“I’m the Doctor, and this is Rose Tyler.”

The man looked down at his list, and then lifted the microphone. “Doctor and Mrs. Tyler.” He put the microphone back down and smiled. “Enjoy.”

Rose started to speak. “Oh, we’re not-”

“Don’t worry about it, Rose,” the Doctor said, putting her hand on his arm and guiding her through the crowd to Jackie, who was standing by the large staircase.

“You two! You made it! Isn’t this just beautiful! They’ve got music in the next room, and dancing! You two go, I’ll find you after I’ve talked to Gretta…” Jackie walked away, leaving the two of them awkwardly standing. 

“Well…” the Doctor said, “Rose Tyler, would you care to dance?”

Rose giggled again. “I’d love to, Doctor.”

He led her through another doorway, where people were dancing, with another throng of people sitting and standing around circular tables on either side of the dance floor. Once they stepped onto the floor, he spun her around, her dress flaring out as she twirled, and then pulled her close to him, placing a hand on her hip. She draped her free hand over his shoulder as he guided her around the floor to the quick beat of the song. By the time the band ended, she was breathless with laughter. She muttered a thanks under her breath as the band started into a slow ballad, and the Doctor was finally able to properly look at her. The dimmer lights seemed to make her skin shimmer. Her gown was only a few shades pinker than her skin, and so she seemed like a ghost, a beautiful ghost that he was guiding in slow circles. 

Finally, her eyes met his. The pain was there, but so was the laughter. The fear and the bravery. His Bad Wolf and his pink-and-yellow girl. She was in his arms, and it felt like home.

She leaned forward, letting him hold her close to him, and rested her cheek against his shoulder as they slowly danced. The scent of her shampoo - bananas and strawberries - filled his nose, and he nuzzled closer, letting her scent envelope him. They didn’t stop when the song changed tempos - they were in their own world, and there was nothing but each other.

~~~

Jack had checked in with everyone he was supposed to at Torchwood One, and he was finally able to find an unused computer where he could search the Torchwood database for anything that could help the Doctor and Rose. 

It took a long while for him to find anything even remotely close to what they were looking for, and even then, it was information that they already knew.

There was one small file from the research and records department, so small that he almost passed over it. He opened it on a whim. A white screen popped up, with a single page of names and dates. Seven in all.

Name: Clarissa Perkett  
Date of Birth: January 14, 1940  
Date of Conception: April 4, 1967  
Date of Death: May 1, 1967  
Child: DOA

Name: Hanna Everett  
Date of Birth: December 18, 1985  
Date of Conception: October 21, 2008  
Date of Death: November 18, 2008  
Child: DOA

What was this? He checked the name of the report at the top…

‘Time Lord Inseminated Women’

It was a list of the women Torchwood knew to have been impregnated by a Time Lord. Every one of them had died before a month had passed, and every child had died before birth.

“This is bad, this is really really bad…”

~~~

It was almost midnight before Rose finally asked to go home. Jackie had refused to leave with them, insisting that she wasn’t tired and wanted to socialize some more. Rose kissed her mother goodnight and grabbed her purse from the coat check before letting the Doctor guide her to the limo. They hadn’t let go of each other’s hand since they had started dancing.

The Doctor opened the door for Rose, and climbed in the limo behind her. As the limo started moving, Rose yawned, laying her head against his shoulder.

“Tired?” he asked.

“Very. All that dancing!”

“Well, now you can’t say I can’t dance.”

“I’ll never say you can’t dance. You’re perfect at everything.” She looked up at him, resting her chin on his shoulder so that she could look into his sharp brown eyes.

“You were absolutely stunning tonight, Rose.” 

“Yeah, the look on your face then those chavs were checking me out!”

“They should have been more respectful. You deserve so much more than a whistle and a catcall.” 

Rose smiled at him, blushing. He watched as the pink rose into her cheeks, and his hand reached up to cradle the side of her face. She bit her lip lightly, and he felt himself coming undone. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, he leaned forward and touched his lips to hers. She sighed, deepening the kiss. He inhaled, filling his head with her scent, intoxicating him. His hand moved down to her knee, rubbing up her outer thigh over the silky chiffon of her dress. She grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him closer, letting him press her into the seat. She opened her mouth and let his tongue explore.

She moaned lightly, and the last of his self-control faded. He pushed her back into the seat as he kissed her hard, claiming her mouth and pinning her down. She returned his urgency, wrapping a leg around his hip as his hand reached under the fabric of the dress, feeling long her bare thigh, sending shockwaves through her body with every movement. His fingers slowly toyed with the waist of her panties as her hand wrapped around the back of his neck, pulling him even closer. Suddenly his fingers dipped down, brushing against her most sensitive skin, making her gasp against his lips. He hummed in satisfaction as his fingers began teasing, tantalizing strokes.

She felt the car underneath her come to a stop, and the Doctor slowly pulled away. She groaned lightly as his hands left her body. 

“The ride home just isn’t long enough, Rose,” said the Doctor. He took Rose’s hand and helped her step out of the limo. She watched as it drove away, her mind still processing what had just happened between them. He hadn’t pushed her away. Her hand was still held in his own. 

When they stepped into Jackie’s apartment, she went into her room to change as the Doctor went to the TARDIS to do the same. They didn’t speak, but she knew he would come back to her. She threw the dress in the corner and unpinned the mess of curls from her head. She grabbed the nearest pair of pajamas, failing to stifle a large yawn. Her legs finally gave out as she climbed into her bed. Every inch of her felt like gelatin; she hadn’t realized just how long she and the Doctor had danced. She tried to keep her eyes open, waiting for the Doctor, but exhaustion overcame her.

The Doctor walked in just in time to see her eyes flutter shut. He smiled, turning off the light and sliding into bed beside her. He laid down, pulling her into his arms, twining his fingers with hers, allowing himself to relax against her as he followed her into sleep.

~~~

Rose woke blinking against the morning light, momentarily disoriented before realizing she was in her old room in the apartment, and she had forgotten to shut the drapes before bed. Sunlight streamed into the room, and she stretched, groaning as she felt her muscles protesting. She sat up, realizing she was alone in her bed. She had thought for sure she had felt the Doctor lay down beside her just before she succumbed completely to her own exhaustion. She couldn’t help but smile - he hadn’t pushed her away. Everything that had happened last night, and he didn’t push her away. Heck, he had even been the one to start, in the limo…

“Rose? Are you awake? Come on, love, I got rolls ready!” Her mother’s voice came from the hallway, and Rose swung her legs out of bed, stretching once more before ambling over to her closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and a yellow tee.

Once dressed, she wandered out into the kitchen, where the Doctor was standing, fully clothed, pouring a mug of coffee, while her mum fussed over a batch of fresh cinnamon rolls. The Doctor looked up when she walked in and smiled, holding out the mug of coffee, which she graciously took. “Hello, sleepyhead,” he said.

“Oh, Rose, good, you’re up! Though’ you were gonna sleep all day! It’s almost noon, so I thought I’d make us a nice brunch.”

“Thanks, Mum,” Rose said, sipping at her coffee, watching the Doctor as he continued to fix a mug for himself. She helped her mum take several plates of food to the dining room table, and the three of them sat in silence as they fixed their plates. Rose cut into her cinnamon roll, indulging in the warm smell of home and her mum’s cooking.

“What’s the matter, Rose? You didn’t take any eggs, you love eggs.” Her mother pushed a plate of scrambled eggs closer, and Rose’s stomach turned.

“Thanks, Mum, but this is fine. I’m not in the mood for eggs right now.” 

Jackie rolled her eyes, but the Doctor looked at Rose with concern in his eyes. ‘I’m fine,’ Rose mouthed to him.

“You’re gonna waste away to nothin’ if you don’t eat. One cinnamon roll is hardly enough, you haven’t eaten since you got here!” Jackie kept on.

“Mum, I’m fine, I’m jus’ a bit queasy is all.”

Jackie turned on the Doctor. “You better be taking care of my daughter. She looks like she’s losing weight.”

“Stop, Mum, it’s not his fault.”

“Well, there has to be some explanation. You’re not eatin’ your favorite breakfast, you look so worried, Rose…”

Rose swallowed hard, putting her fork down. “Well, mum, I needed to talk to you about something…I’m...uhm….” She felt as though she couldn’t get a breath, and the Doctor reached over to take her hand, his eyes full of concern.

“Rose?” Jackie said insistantly.

“I’m pregnant,” Rose whispered.

Jackie’s jaw dropped open. 

“Mum…”

“Rose Tyler….tell me this is a joke.”

“It’s not a joke, Mum.”

Jackie’s hand wiped across her forehead. “Rose...you’re only twenty! And...you!” She pointed at the Doctor. “Jus’ who do you think you are! Dragging my little girl who knows where, and now you’ve got her knocked up! Did ya even think?”

“I’m sorry, Jackie, I know this isn’t ideal-”

“You’re bloody right it’s not ideal!”

“Mum, stop…”

“You can’t just take my daughter away and not take care of her, you promised me you would take care of her.”

“Mum, please…”

“You’re an alien, an alien takin’ advantage of my little girl-”

“Mum, stop!” Rose stood up, startling Jackie. “Listen...I’m not a kid. I’m sorry, but I’m not. I came here because I wanted you to know. I love you, mum, but you have to understand that I know what I’m doing. It’s just as much my fault.”

The Doctor listened as Rose spoke, but his ears honed in on her heartbeat, which was steadily rising. The stress that Jackie was putting on her wasn’t going to help her...but just before he started to speak, Rose sat back down.

“Mum, please, I need you to accept this.”

Jackie paused, and then put her palms on the table. “Okay, Rose. You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. Nothin’ I say will make a difference.” She picked up her fork again, and silence fell over the table as they slowly finished eating. It wasn’t until the table had been cleared that Rose spoke again.

“I think we’d best be off, Mum.”

For once, Jackie didn’t object. She simply pulled Rose into a hug. “I love you, Rose.”

“I love you, too. We’ll be back soon, I promise.” Rose smiled at her, and the Doctor gave Jackie a small nod before opening the door of the TARDIS for Rose. Rose walked in, and the Doctor shut the door behind them. Rose inhaled a shaky breath, and he came up to stand behind her.

“Rose?” He gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m fine. I just...I’m fine.”

Suddenly, he understood. “You don’t want to go back until after.”

“Yeah. I just...I can’t tell her the rest. If I survive this, she won’t have to know. And I can’t hide it from her again.”

“You’re going to be okay, Rose.” The Doctor pulled Rose into his arms. “I promise you, I won’t let you die on me.”

“Doctor, I’d think long and hard before you make promises you might not be able to keep.” Jack stepped into the control room, holding up a sheet of paper.

“What’s that, Jack?” the Doctor asked.

“It’s a list. A list of all the names of women who have been pregnant with Time Lord babies. Dates of conception, and dates of death less than a month later. They all died, Doctor. All of them.”

The Doctor felt his hearts stop, just before Rose’s scream pierced the air.


	9. Peaches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my friend Brandi, who is an amazing woman. And, because I could.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, really…” Rose protested as the Doctor carried her to the infirmary.

“Rose, you just had a panic attack, I need to check you out to make sure,” said the Doctor, shooting another glare at Jack. He sat Rose gingerly on the exam table and turned to the scanner screen to enter commands. Rose looked at Jack, who stood in the doorway.

“It’s not your fault, Jack, I just overreacted. I’m fine, I swear.”

“No, I should have-”

“What? Waited to tell the Doctor without me? No. I deserve to know. Besides, it’s not really anything we didn’t already know...I mean, we didn’t know there were more women, and we didn’t know that a month is the strict norm...but we knew there’s not a very good chance at my surviving...it just caught me off guard, is all.”

The scanner beeped, and the Doctor quickly read through the results. “You’re fine. Heart is back to normal, the baby is fine...your blood pressure is a bit high, though.” He turned to her. “So...maybe I’ll steer us into the vortex, take it easy for a while, and we’ll talk about what to do during supper tonight?”

Rose considered this information, but she couldn’t see a reason to refuse. She felt mentally exhausted, and a breather would be welcomed. “Okay.”

The Doctor smiled. “How about you pick out a movie, I’ll go park the TARDIS and make us some tea, yeah?” Rose nodded, and the Doctor turned to leave. “Try not to freak her out again, Jack,” he said before walking out.

“Rose, I’m sorry,” said Jack.

“Jack. Honestly, I’m fine.” Rose hopped off of the exam table and grabbed Jack’s hand, leading him down the hallway to the TARDIS’ living room, where the large television and movie collection resided. “What do you think - I’m in the mood for a classic.”

“Anything’s fine with me. I was thinking of doing some more research on the TARDIS computer anyways, see what I can do with these new bits of information.”

Rose raised her eyebrow, but decided it wasn’t worth fighting over - she didn’t want Jack to feel worse than he already did. He hovered until she had selected a movie and plopped onto the couch, pulling the blanket around her. The Doctor entered with a tray of tea and biscuits, and Jack quietly slipped out.

“Doctor, you were a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Rose asked as he sat down next to her, handing her a cup of lemony tea.

“Maybe. A little.” He looked over at Rose. “Oh, all right, I was. But he shouldn’t have just…”

“Said it right out?”

“Yeah.”

“Better than skirting around the issue, I’d warrant. You’re just cross because it’s not what you wanted to hear.”

“I’m not cross! How are you talking so calmly when just twenty minutes ago, you were screaming?”

Rose shrugged. “I just had to set my mind right. It’s nothing I didn’t really already know. I knew my odds were next to impossible. So, since I may not have that much time left, I’d be wasting it if I just spent it freaking out all the time. If these are going to be my last days, I want them to be worth it.”

“Don’t talk like that, Rose,” the Doctor whispered.

“I need to, Doctor. I can’t ignore it. I can’t-” Rose broke off with a gasp, clutching at her stomach.

“Rose!” The Doctor shot up, grabbing her shoulders. “Rose, what’s wrong, what is it?”

Rose was still for a moment, and a small smile spread on her face. “It’s...I can feel it. Doctor, I can feel it moving.” Her eyes looked into his own, and she took his hand, pressing it to the small bulge of her stomach. Of course his superior senses could feel it...just that slightest movement underneath the layers of skin…

“Rose…” The color slowly returned to the Doctor’s face as he kneeled, staring at his own hand, awestruck at what he was feeling.

“That’s why, Doctor.” He looked back up into her eyes. “I don’t want these moments to be surrounded with fear and sadness.”

“Okay, Rose.” He slowly sat back beside her, not removing his hand. “I’m going to make sure that these days will be good ones for you. But I’m still going to fight for you. I’m still not convinced that there’s nothing we can do.”

“I know, and I’m not saying I’m giving up by any means. Not everyone gets to choose how they spend their last days, and I don’t want to waste the opportunity. Besides....” her voice trailed off.

“Besides?” 

Rose sighed. “It’s not the way I would want you to remember me anyways. A scared, helpless mess. That’s not who I am, that’s not how I would want you remember me.”

“Rose, don’t worry about me.”

“Oh, you crazy man. That’s not something I can stop. Nice try though. We should watch this movie, yeah?” He nodded as she pressed a button on the remote, starting the movie. He reached over and pulled her over so that she was laying with her back against his chest, swinging her legs up to stretch across the couch. He sat, keeping his hand on the fluttering bump of her stomach. She nuzzled closer to him, taking full advantage of his willingness to be close to her without pushing her away. 

When the ending credits rolled, Rose stretched, neither one of them having moved through the whole feature. The Doctor took their empty teacups back to the kitchen, and Rose turned the TV off, still feeling the warmth on her skin where the Doctor had touched her. She spotted Jack as he walked past the doorway. 

“Jack?” she called, and his head popped in. “Hey, come here.” She patted the couch next to her, and he came in and sat down. “Find anything new?”

“No, just more of what we already knew.”

“I felt it move.” 

Jack’s eyes widened slightly. “So...we’re right on course with the diary.”

“Looks like. Even the Doctor felt it.” She couldn’t hold back a smile, and Jack beamed at her.

“So, finally get him to stop walking away, huh?”

“Well...maybe? I don’t know. I mean...we went to this party last night, and we were in a limo and it got a bit….heated...but nothing really happened.” She shrugged. “I’m not going to push him. I don’t want to taint the coming days by making him feel like he has to be something he’s not for me, or feel guilty if he can’t. That’s not what I want for him. If he doesn’t love me or want me in that way, I’m fine with that.”

“Rose, you can’t tell me he doesn’t love you,” Jack said. “You don’t see the way he looks at you, do you? It’s like you’re an ocean, and he’s desperate to drown. I’ve watched him, Rose, and he notices everything you do. Like the other day, you were standing at the Tardis controls, looking down, and he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. I haven’t been alive half as long as him, but I know I’ll never see another person so in love with another.”

Rose blushed as she fiddled with the hem of her shirt. “I’m not going to push him.”

“You wouldn’t have to, Rose. You could ask him for anything and he would give it to you.”

“I don’t want him to push me away again, Jack. It’s too painful.”

Before Jack could respond, the Doctor bounded into the room.

“Okay, Rose! You think that these will be your last days. Well, if that is true, and I’m still not convinced, I’m going to make sure you have the best days possible. So, I’m taking you on a trip. Several, actually. Across time and space, to the best places in existence. If you’re…” The Doctor pulled a pair of sunglasses from his jacket and swept them on with one hand, “...down with that.”

Rose laughed. “That sounds lovely, Doctor.”

“Am I invited to tag along?” Jack asked, smiling.

“Of course, Jack. As long as you aren’t annoying me,” the Doctor said.

“You’re the annoying one,” Jack muttered, sending Rose into a fit of giggles.

Rose hopped up from the couch. “So, where are we going?” 

“We’re already there.” The Doctor held his hand out, and Rose took it, letting him pull her down the hallway, Jack following behind her. When they got to the TARDIS doors, the Doctor threw them open.

“You’re kidding!”

“Nope! Peach trees as far as the eye can see, and ripe for the picking, too.” The Doctor elbowed her lightly. “Bet you never guessed there was a whole planet full of peach trees.”

“I bloodly love peaches!” Rose began bouncing on the balls of her feet, smelling the sweet muskiness of peaches in the air. 

“I know. You eat them all the time. So, I figured…”

“I love it!!!” Rose took off running into the peach trees. The Doctor looked at Jack, who shrugged, taking off after her. The Doctor broke into a run just before Rose slipped out of his sight, but he could hear her laughter, along with the pounding of her feet on the ground. He quickly caught up to her as she stopped to reach up for a tiny peach, but just as her fingers touched the soft skin, the Doctor plucked it off of the tree and put it in her hand. She smiled in thanks, quickly taking a bite. “Oh my gosh, this is heaven.”

“There’s some produce bags in the kitchen, if you’d like to pick a bunch to eat and cook with.”

“I’ll get them!” Jack called from several trees down, and the Doctor heard him jog back to the TARDIS.

Rose tossed the clean peach pit away from her and leaned with her back against the tree trunk, closing her eyes. “This is perfect. Seriously brilliant. This, THIS is what I was talking about.” She inhaled the sweet air deeply.

The Doctor stepped closer. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Definitely happy.” She held both of her hands out for the Doctor to take. “I love travelling with you.”

“You only like me for my TARDIS,” he said in a teasing voice.

She shook her head. “I love you for a lot of reasons.” Before she could realize what she had just admitted, the Doctor stepped closer, the scent of him overpowering the floral fruit - all spice, tea, and books. 

“You’ll have to tell me those reasons sometime,” he whispered, just before his lips touched hers. She pulled his hand back to rest on her hip, and snaked her arms up around his neck, deepening the kiss. His fingers tightened on her hip as he pressed her back into the tree with his own hips. He could feel her chest rising and falling against his own when the fingers of his other hand raked gently through her hair. As his fingers lightly trailed against the skin of her neck, a shiver slid down her spine to rest in the pooling heat between her legs. She gasped, letting his tongue slip into her mouth, her fingers gripping his upper arm. His hips ground against her once, and the friction felt so lovely…

“Where are you guys?” Jack’s voice came from the trees to the right of them. The Doctor slowly pulled away from Rose, keeping a hand on her hip to steady her. 

“We’re here, Jack,” he called.

Rose tried to control her breathing, biting her lip. She could feel a single bead of sweat trail down the back of her neck, sending shivers across her skin. She stood up straight just as Jack came into view, holding several fabric bags. Rose took one from him, putting a smile back on her face. “So, Jack, do you like peach crisp?”

“Love it.” He smiled back at her.

“I’ll make it for dessert tonight. It’s my favorite.”

“I’ll take care of dinner,” the Doctor said. “I’ve got some recipes that use peaches.”

Rose hummed in approval. “A peach-themed meal...sounds perfect!” She reached up for the plump peach that was dangling just above her head and dropped it in the bag. 

~~~

“Rose...you’re going to have to make that every night.” Jack leaned back in his chair, patting his stomach.

“I can’t believe we finished that huge pan,” Rose said.

“It was just that good, Rose,” remarked the Doctor.

Rose gave a slight gasp as her hand rested on the side of her stomach. “I guess even the baby liked it. I still can’t get used to this feeling…” The Doctor reached out to out his hand on her stomach beside hers, feeling the small flutters beneath his fingertips as he smiled at her.

“Look at you two, like a freshly married couple. OW!” Jack held his foot up and pointed to where Rose had just stomped on it. “Not cool. I’m going to crash. Goodnight, lovebirds.” Rose stuck her tongue out at him, and he smirked at her before walking out. She reached forward to begin cleaning the table, but the Doctor took the plate from her hands. 

“No you don’t. You sit and rest, I’ve got this.”

“But you cooked the meal, you shouldn’t-” The Doctor placed a finger on her lips.

“No protesting.” He removed his finger and began swiftly clearing the dishes from the table, piling them into the TARDIS’ version of a dishwasher. She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn as she handed him her now-empty cup from her spiced tea. He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as he shut the washer. He held out a hand, which she gladly took, pulling her to her feet.

He led her down the hallway to her room, where he wordlessly stroked her cheek before turning, walking down to his own room. She sighed, feeling the aches in her body from all of the physical exercise of the day. Rose stepped into her bathroom, shutting the door, and peeled off her clothes, exchanging them for a fresh pair of pajamas. She quickly washed her face and brushed her teeth, trying not to think of the Doctor, how he held her against the tree, the feel of his hips grinding against hers…

She opened the door to find him already sitting in her bed, wearing only a navy blue pair of pants. It took enormous self-control for Rose to stop herself from gaping at the sight of his naked chest. She climbed into bed and turned off the light, and he slid behind her, wrapping his arms around her, one hand lightly resting on the bulge of her stomach. She could feel the heat from his skin seeping through the thin fabric of her pajamas, and felt a hot wetness pooling between her legs. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, thinking it would be difficult to get to sleep.

Both she and the Doctor were out within minutes.

~~~

The Doctor woke, suddenly aware of movement against him. He opened his eyes. He and Rose were still laying in the same positions they hand fallen asleep in. Her pajama top had creeped up above her midriff, and his fingers were resting on the bare skin of her stomach.

She let out a small moan, pressing her backside into him, making him fully aware of his own erection. The pressure of her against his own hardness was an almost unbearable torture of pleasure. He felt himself throb with the need to feel her against him again, writhing underneath him…

“Doctor…” she whispered, and he stilled. She had said his name. She was dreaming about him. Had he heard her right? Just as he started to doubt his own superior hearing, she thrust her bum hard against him, making him groan. The pressure alone almost forced him to the edge, but he held on to his mind enough to know that this was not what he wanted. He felt that taking pleasure in her body while she was asleep was not right. This thought was the only thing keeping him from returning her thrusts. Slowly, his hand moved to her hips and stilled them, pulling himself away from her. This movement, however, was enough to wake her up.

“Ugh…” she rolled over, putting her face into her pillow. “Is it morning already?” she asked, her voice muffled in the pillow.

“We’re in a time machine. It’s whatever time you want it to be,” he said softly, smiling.

Rose rolled onto her back with a groan. “So...where are we going today?”

“It’s a surprise,” he said with a wink, standing up. “Allons-y, Rose. It’s a new day! After some coffee and breakfast, you can see where I’m taking you next!”

Rose shook her head with a smile, marveling at how her Doctor had changed in the past few days...and praying he hadn’t noticed her racing heart - she had been having the best dream...


	10. Shopping

The Doctor knocked at Rose’s closed bedroom door. “Come on, Rose, breakfast is ready!”

“Hang on a mo’!” Rose’s voice came from inside. “I’m just...Ugh! I can’t find a pair of jeans that zip up!”

“What about the ones you wore yesterday, those fit fine, didn’t they?”

“Well, apparently not today. And even if they did, they’re covered in peach juice from where Jack threw one at my bum!”

The Doctor pulled at his ear in frustration. Things were progressing fast. He had thought the curve of her stomach was bigger this morning, but he hadn’t been sure. This proved it. Well, it didn’t matter, what with where he had planned for the day.

“Jus’ throw on some sweatpants! Your brekkie’s getting cold!” He heard the opening and closing of drawers, and the frustrated grunts of his pink-and-yellow girl, just before the door opened. 

“Well...this is officially the only outfit that fits AND looks decent.” She twirled quickly, showing off all angles. She had a stretchy pair of denim leggings, and a deep red cap sleeve casual dress that ended just above her knees, but also showed quite a lot of her chest without showing much cleavage…”Oy, eyes up here, Doctor.”

He pulled his ear again. “I don’t see what’s wrong with that…”

“Well, nothing really, jus’ a bit tight in the waist, but it’ll do…come on, I’m starving!” She took his hand, pulling him to the kitchen. She sat down in front of a large bowl of oatmeal topped with peaches and cream. She quickly took a bite and hummed in approval, closing her eyes. “Oh, yes. This is so perfect.”

The Doctor slid a glass of orange juice in front of her. “Gotta get some vitamin C in you.”

She smiled. “Look at you, all caring,” she said, taking a sip.

“Of course I care. You definitely don’t need to be getting sick now, so you need to get as much vitamin C as you can. I’m going to pick up prenatal vitamins for you today, too.”

Rose raised an eyebrow, swallowing her mouthful of oats. “Mum always got on me about taking vitamins. I could never remember.”

“Well, you have me to remind you.”

“Of course, which I’m sure you’ll do relentlessly.”

“Anything to keep you healthy.” He took a bite of the banana he had peeled.

“Mmm...I guess he likes your cooking too…” Rose muttered, a hand moving to her stomach.

Her wording didn’t escape the Doctor. “He?”

Rose’s eyes widened slightly at her slip in words. “Oh...well...that’s just what I picture in my mind. Not that I wouldn’t like a girl, I just…” Her voice drifted. How could she admit that she pictured a baby boy with the chocolate eyes and messy hair of its father? 

“We could use the scanner and do a gender scan…”

“No, no, it’s...I’d rather know when…” She didn’t know how to end that sentence either. It could be she would never know. You can’t know a gender if you’re dead.

“It’s up to you, Rose. Whenever you’re ready.” The Doctor tossed his banana peel in the trash.

Just then, Jack walked in. “Hey, you two.”

“Good mornin’, Jack,” Rose said with a smile.

“How’s the little bugger doing today?” he asked, nodding at the hand on her stomach.

“Fine, thanks.”

Jack leaned against the counter. “So, what are we doing today, Doc?”

The Doctor glared at Jack for a moment, but dismissed the annoying nickname. “Well, I figured that maybe Rose would like to do some shopping.” Rose eyed him warily. “Don’t worry, nothing too alien. Just maybe a hundred years in your future. The maternity clothes grow with you, so it’ll help with how fast you’re going. If you feel up to it, that is.”

She shrugged. “Fine with me. This is the only outfit that fits me anymore, so I can’t really put it off.”

“Jack, would you mind going with Rose? I was hoping to pick up some prenatals for her while we’re there.”

“Sure.” Jack winked at her. “We will have a great time, won’t we, Rose?”

Rose giggled. “The best!”

~~~

After breakfast, Rose and Jack waited while the Doctor landed the TARDIS in 3115 London. He told Jack where the clothing store was, just around the corner, and lightly touched his fingers to Rose’s before leaving them to their devices. 

Jack held out an arm. “Ready to go?”

“Of course!” Rose took his arm, feeling a giddy high settling in. London hadn’t changed much, and being here with her best friend made her happy. When they entered the store, however, the giddiness was replaced by a feeling of being overwhelmed. “Oh, Jack, really?”

Jack looked around. The whole store was maternity clothes, and the store was huge. “Well, you’ll have plenty to choose from,” he said. 

“I’ll never be able to find what I need!”

“That’s why you’ve got me. You go try on some jeans, I’ll grab some tops for you to try on too. Grab that cart there.” Rose took the handle of a small silver shopping cart, looking over at the jeans section and groaning. As Jack flipped quickly through the racks of shirts, Rose grabbed four pairs of jeans with her size on them, not caring what kind she grabbed. She then waved at Jack and pointed to the nearest dressing room, to which he gave a thumbs up and started flipping through shirts again. She took the jeans and stepped into the white cubicle, locking the door behind her. She looked at herself in the full mirror as she undressed. Yes, there was a definite curve to her stomach now. There was no denying she was pregnant.

Just as she pulled up the first pair of jeans, several hangers of shirts flopped over the top of the door. “Try these on,” Jack said.

“Thanks, Jack,” she said, taking the first shirt, a silky coral top, and pulling it over her head. Again, she looked in the mirror. The Doctor had been right, these clothes looked normal, but she could feel the slight movement as they conformed to her body’s new shape, the jeans settling perfectly on her hips but curving over her stomach. The shirt’s flowy material almost hid the bump from notice. 

As she started to put on another pair of clothes, she let her mind wander. The Doctor was finally no longer pulling away from her. So why didn’t she feel better than she did? The answer came to her mind within seconds - maybe it was because she wasn’t sure that it was genuine. He was still scared that they would fail and she would die. He was trying to make what might be her last days good ones. Which meant doing anything he could to keep from upsetting her, and nothing upset her more than him pushing her away. So was he doing this simply because he felt he had to? 

She tried to keep the tears at bay. She didn’t want to worry Jack, nor the Doctor. She had to fight through this. She told herself it didn’t matter - she loved him and nothing he did or could do would ever change that. Rose rubbed at her eyes as she put her own clothes back on, walking out and piling the clothes she had tried on into her cart. She wandered around, looking for Jack. After picking up a new pair of flip-flops, she found him eyeing necklaces...with a cart full of clothes.

“Jack!” She exclaimed. “What have you done?”

“I couldn’t help it!” He gestured to the cart. “You’ll look great in all of it, I promise.”

“Jack…” she picked up something black, lacy, and completely see through with her thumb and forefinger. “What. Do you think. You are doing.”

He grinned sheepishly. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“Oh yes I can! What’s the idea, eh?”

“Well, maybe this would help, is all. And you can’t do anything, I already paid for it all because I knew what you’d say.”

“JACK!” she groaned. “Fine, fine.”

He followed her as she took out her own credit stick to pay for her meager pile of clothes, and they both took their bags and walked back into the sunlight. She convinced Jack to make it up to her by buying some fish and chips to share. They sat outside at a tiny table, munching on their food.

“So, can I ask how you and the Doctor are getting along?”

“I don’t know. I’m starting to second guess...I just don’t know. He’s not pushing me away anymore.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yeah, but...I’m worried it’s not...genuine.”

“My opinion? I think it is. I think he’s just trying as hard as he can for you.”

“Yeah?” Rose bit at the end of a chip.

“Yeah. You need to stop second guessing him. He loves you, Rose. Let him figure that out so that he can show you just how much he loves you. Let him fix himself so he can fix you.”

“Not much hope of fixing me, is there?”

“Hey, stop it. I won’t listen to that, Rose. You may think you’re on death row, but I think between the three of us, we can beat the odds.”

Rose looked down, twirling a chip in her fingers. “Jack...can you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“If...well, if I die...will you stay with him? For me? Keep him...well, keep him from doin’ anything stupid. Make him keep saving the universe, okay? Do that for me?”

Jack sighed dejectedly. “Rose...I promise to do my best. But in all honesty, I don’t think I will be able to do anything. I think that if you die, the whole universe is going to follow. I don’t think he’s going to be able to take it, no matter what I do. He doesn’t want any universe without you, Rose. So if you die...I think he will tear the universe apart with his grief, and there’s not a power anywhere that can stop him. Certainly not me.”

Rose bit her lip, trying to keep the pain in her chest from reaching her eyes. She didn’t want to admit that he was right. He reached over, taking her hand. “I do promise I will try, Rose. I’ll do everything I can. Don’t think that it won’t tear me apart to lose you, too, but I know it’s nothing at all compared to him. He’s already burning. If you die, we all burn, too.”

She nodded slightly, not looking at him. She felt her breathing become shallow with the effort to not break down right there. Jack sensed that she was ready to go, and he picked up the bags, standing. She stood, and they began walking in the direction of the TARDIS.

They were almost back when Rose slowed, her breathing still shallow. Her chest felt tight, and she couldn’t catch her breath. Her back was beginning to ache. Jack stopped beside her as the people moved to walk around them on either side. “Rose, you okay?”

“I...don’t know…” She slowly moved towards the nearest brick wall and leaned her back against it. “I just...my chest feels tight…” 

“Let’s just stop and rest, Rose. You got upset, we shouldn’t have started walking all this way until you felt better.” Jack looked around. “There’s the Doctor there, he sees us.” Jack waved the Doctor over.

Suddenly, Rose felt a wave of pain and pressure shudder through her body, as though a giant was hugging her around the middle. “Ah!” she cried out, clutching her stomach as she kneeled over. 

“Rose!” Jack dropped the bags on the ground and grabbed her shoulders. “Rose, what’s wrong?” He looked up and saw the Doctor breaking into a sprint towards them.

“I don’t….know...Jack...I can’t…” She panted, but she was suddenly gripped with another wave of blinding pain. She felt herself falling sideways, and just before she hit the concrete, she felt arms wrap around her. The musky smell of tea and books enveloped her just before she slipped into unconsciousness.


	11. Fire

“We should have just stayed-”

“There was no way you could have known-”

“But she could have-”

“SHE is right here,” Rose huffed. “And SHE is fine.”

The Doctor turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “You weren’t fine twenty minutes ago.”

“Twenty minutes ago, I was unconscious. I’m fine.”

“But-”

“No. The scan even said it was just Braxton Hicks, and you just said Time Lord contractions are stronger than human ones. It’s stopped, I’m fine.” Rose tried to sit up on the bed, but the Doctor pressed down on her shoulder. 

“You should rest!”

“I’m fine!” Her eyes turned upward to meet his, a pleading chocolate brown. “Please, Doctor, just let me-”

“Let you what? Risk your health?” he snapped.

Rose bit back the tears at the harsh edge of his voice, cutting through her like a razor. “Let me function. I can’t stay cooped up in my bedroom until...well, I just can’t.”

“Bedrest isn’t an uncommon thing, Rose, and after today, I think it’s what you need.”

“Doctor, I can’t. It’s not who I am, I can’t just sit back and waste what may be my last days-”

“Which is why you should be resting and not trying to cut those days in half-”

“I’m not-”

 

“Dammit, Rose!” The Doctor’s fist flew out to connect with one of the delicate decorative coral structures of the wall, shattering it. Rose squeaked as the pieces clattered to the floor. The TARDIS rumbled, reprimanding the show of anger. Jack took a swift step closer to Rose, ready to step inbetween the two. 

The Doctor’s back was to Rose, but she could see the heaving of his chest as he grasped the wall with one hand, trying to keep control. 

“I’m sorry…” she whispered. Jack’s eyes caught hers, full of sympathy and understanding. 

The Doctor straightened up, tugging his jacket back into place. “Fine. I’m taking us into the vortex. Your inability to stay still will have to be restricted to the TARDIS.” He turned and walked out of the room, refusing to look at her.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Jack sat down on the edge of Rose’s bed, taking her hand in his as she bit her lip, closing her eyes to keep the tears from spilling out. “You okay?”

She nodded slightly, taking a deep breath through her nose and holding it before huffing it back out. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so mad before,” she whispered. 

“I know I haven’t,” Jack said. “He’s just worried. You really had us scared, Rose.”

“Sorry.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “You couldn’t help it, Rose. Nothing to be sorry for. The Doctor and I, though...we didn’t know...we thought you were dying.”

“I know.”

“He thought you were gone.”

“I know.”

“He’s just scared, Rose. He thought he was losing you, and he doesn’t want to feel that again.”

Rose bit at the corner of her lip. “D’you think I should go talk to him?”

Jack paused, thinking. “I think so. After that, I don’t think being alone would be good for him. Might help him, seeing you up and walking.”

Rose swung her legs out of her bed and stood, letting Jack hold her elbow to make sure she kept her balance. She nodded, and he walked her to the doorway. “I’m going to catch a bit of sleep. Come to my room if you need anything, Rose.”

“Promise.” He gave her hand one last squeeze before turning down the hallway, as she turned in the opposite direction.

As she entered the control room, she heard the slamming of gizmos and the clang of the Doctor hitting various gadgets on the control panel as the TARDIS’ whooshing started up. She placed a hand against one of the coral structures as the sound reached a peak, and then subsided, signalling their arrival inside the vortex. The Doctor stopped, gripping the side of the control panel as his other hand pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing.

Rose could see the pain going through him in waves, and felt herself torn apart at the sight. She had never seen him so utterly defeated. She took a step forward, and he jerked up at the sound, spinning to face her. “Rose,” he said, her name almost a plea. 

She slowly stepped up to the control panel, her eyes unable to hold his. She stroked the surface of the panel, feeling the TARDIS’ hum urging her on. “I’m sorry, Doctor. I didn’t mean to…” Her voice faltered, but he nodded in understanding.

“I’m only trying to protect you, Rose.”

“You can’t protect me. That’s the thing, Doctor. You can protect me from daleks and cybermen and even the devil. You can’t protect me from life.”

“I can try.”

“Doctor...I’ve accepted my fate. I’m okay with this. I’m only worried about you, and it hurts me to see you like this.”

The Doctor scoffed, his anger returning. “You’re okay with dying?” He spat the words at her. “You’re worried about _me_?”

Rose bit her lip again. “I just...you have so much to keep you going, and I want you to know that I’m okay with this. I want you to...you know...just know that I want you to keep going. Keep travelling. Keep saving the universe.”

The Doctor turned his face upwards in exasperation. “You think…” He let out a single laugh, his hands covered his face, sliding upwards through his hair before slamming back down on the console. “You think I want any of this without you? That I could save a universe without you in it? Is that what you think?”

Rose opened her mouth, but her voice stopped as she saw a fire burning in his eyes as he pierced her with his gaze. 

“The universe can burn for all I care. You want the universe, Rose? Take it. Take it all. I don’t _want_ it. Not without you.”

Rose swallowed as he took a step, closing the distance between them. She gasped as his hands found her wrists, shoving them into the side of the console and holding them there. Her eyes were locked with his, the intensity in his eyes near unbearable. She could feel his hot breath on her neck, and the scent of him, musky and deep. 

“Take it, Rose. I don’t want it without you,” he growled. Suddenly, his lips slammed into hers, his body pressing against hers. She could feel the pounding of his hearts against her chest, the heat radiating off of him in waves, the muscles quivering at the emotions tumbling through him. His tongue, hot and wet, forced its way into her mouth, tasting every corner of her.

She had to turn her head to the side, gasping for air as his lips attacked the delicate skin of her neck. His hips pressed her firmly against the console, and it wasn’t until the grip on her wrists tightened that she realized she felt the stinging of pain. She cried out, and the Doctor leapt back as she grabbed her own arm in pain. A trickle of blood ran down her skin. She glanced at the TARDIS console, noting a sharp piece of coral jutting out just above where he had been holding her wrist. 

Rose looked up at the Doctor again, seeing the fire in his eyes quickly fading, replaced with a familiar tinge of regret. “Doctor, please, I’m fine-”

 

He held up a hand to silence her, his eyes closed. She bit her lip, but a tear had already escaped down her cheek. “I can’t.” His eyes opened, looking up instead of at her. She could hear the slow drip of her blood on the metal grate below her feet. He turned, placing his hands on the railing and leaning against them, bowing his head. “Go place a patch of medicated gauze on that, and wrap it with a bandage.”

She knew the battle was lost, but she took a step forward anyways. Her hand slowly reached for his shoulder but, as though he could feel her, he jerked it away, and she pulled her hand back. She felt her teeth cut into the inside of her lip, and she finally turned away, walking towards the infirmary. 

She didn’t see the tears flowing down his face.


	12. Try

Rose didn’t know how long she had sat curled up in her favorite chair in the library, but it had been long enough to nod off. She woke to her neck aching in protest at her head, which had fallen to rest on her shoulder. Her fingers pushed the thin blanket to the side and slowly stood, a hand pressing to her already sore back. Her stomach size had seemed to double overnight, and with it, the body aches and pains that she knew was part of the pregnancy package. 

The Doctor hadn’t said much to her since her collapse several days ago. He barely looked at her anymore - it seemed as though every time he saw her wince in pain, or fully looked at the prominent roundness of her stomach, he was reminded of his part in it all.She knew him well enough to know that he was blaming himself.

After his confession in the control room, she knew that any attempt to negate those thoughts were futile. 

She hadn’t felt much like conversation either, and so she tended to seek out quiet places in the TARDIS. Sometimes she read in the library, sometimes she laid around in her room and watched movies, and sometimes, when she knew the Doctor was sleeping, she would go to the control room and sit in the jumpseat, letting the TARDIS into her mind to calm her. She and the TARDIS had almost silent telepathic conversations, and it was soothing. 

Jack hadn’t pressed her, he seemed to know that she needed space. He was always there when it was time for her daily scan in the infirmary, and he drifted off soon after the Doctor left. 

Rose wandered into the kitchen to find Jack, crunching an apple while he leaned back in one of the dining chairs. Rose picked a peach out of the bowl on the countertop and selected a plate and knife. She sat down across the table from Jack, who smiled at her as she began cutting her peach into slices.

“You look like you just woke up,” he noted.

“I did. I fell asleep in the library. I’m so tired all the time now!” She pursed her lips, focusing on her swollen fingers as she tried to slice the peach. 

“Here,” Jack said, taking the knife from her hand and sliding the plate towards him. “You’re going to cut your fingers off.”

She groaned, slouching back into the chair. “They look like sausages.”

“It’s normal, apparently.”

“Normal to look like a giant cocktail sausage?”

Jack choked back a laugh, sliding her plate of sliced peach back to her. He watched as she bit into a slice, slowly chewing. “So...you still okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I guess. I mean...I didn’t expect to be so uncomfortable, but…” Her voice trailed off. She knew he would understand anyways. 

You can’t exactly complain when you don’t know how long you’re going to live. In his case, it could be forever, and in her case, it could be until dinnertime. 

They ate together in silence for a while until Jack spoke again. “So, you haven’t talked to the Doctor lately, have you?”

“I talked to him this morning, during the scan, remember?” 

Jack raised an eyebrow. “That was not talking. That was...well, it wasn’t talking in the sense that I mean.”

Rose huffed. “I know. I get it. It’s just...I don’t feel like there’s any more to say.”

“Really? You mean you’re fine if you die this second? You’re fine with the last things your REALLY said to him?”

Rose considered this for a minute before speaking. “No. I guess you’re right. But...I mean, how do I even start? He can barely look at me anymore.”

“I think he’s just scared.”

Rose closed her eyes. Every time she did, all she could see was the Doctor’s face. “It’s time, I guess. We have to talk eventually, yeah?” 

“I should be a couples counselor.”

“Stick with your day job, Jack,” she said, easing herself onto her feet. “You’re better at protecting the earth from aliens anyways.”

He winked at her, causing her to smile before she walked out into the hallway. The only problem was that she had no idea where the doctor might be now. She wandered down the hallways, peering randomly into empty rooms. After turning a third corner, she realized that she was out of breath; it was hard work carrying around all this extra weight. She turned, leaning her back against the cool metal wall, letting her eyes close as she slid down to sit.

“Rose?” She looked up to see the Doctor’s head poking out of the doorway next to her. Of course - his room. She should have realized. He stepped out, eyes worried. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just out of breath. You try carrying around a boulder under your blouse, see how you get on.” She smiled to let him know she was joshing him. He sat down next to her, but kept a respectable distance between them. “Was looking for you, actually. Thought maybe we could talk?”

“What’s on your mind, Rose?” His eyes avoided her own.

“Well...I hate how things are between us right now. I hate that we haven’t been talking. I hate that you can’t even look at me-”

“I look at you.”

Rose reached out to turn his face until his eyes finally met her own. “There. Now you are.”

“Rose…” his eyebrows pressed together, and all of the hundreds of years showed themselves in his eyes. She pressed a finger to his lips.

“Shh. I understand. I just want to help.”

He seemed to consider something for a moment. “Can I...can I show you something?”

“Sure. May need some help gettin’ back up, though…” At her words, he took both of her hands and gently pulled her up to stand. She didn’t let go of his hand as he led her into his bedroom. He motioned for her to sit on his bed, and she complied, trying to ignore the awkwardness she felt.

He turned to his dresser and pulled open the top drawer. “I found this when you were shopping for clothes. It made me think of you.” He pulled a small silver box out and turned back to her, kneeling in front of her and placing it in her hands. “Everything happened, and it just never seemed like the right time, and so here we are.”

She took the lid off, and her eyes instantly filled with tears. Nestled inside on a bed of cotton was a tiny, delicate silver bracelet. One single charm was attached - two hearts, each with a diamond inside, intertwined with each other. The Doctor carefully picked it up and secured it around her wrist. The tiny chain felt light as air, and the tiny diamonds sparkled even in the dim light of the room.

“It’s beautiful, Doctor…” she felt her voice shaking, and he looked back into her eyes. 

“I had wanted to find something to show you how much you mean to me, but nothing seemed big enough. But then I came across this, and it was just...it was you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Rose,” the Doctor enclosed her hands in his as he spoke, “I’m sorry for my actions. It’s been hard for me to watch you growing with life and getting more beautiful every day, but knowing what will come...it’s been killing me. It’s like dying a slow death every minute.”

“I’m sorry-”

“Rose, no. It’s me. This is my problem, you don’t have to be sorry for it. I’ve been too wrapped up in my pain to see that you need me. And for that I’m sorry. I’m just afraid what will happen after.” His hand reached up to cradle her upper jaw in his palm, his fingers reaching into her hair. “I don’t think anything could save me except the sound of your voice. No matter what is going on in here,” he tapped the side of his head with his other hand, “you just cut through all the noise. And for a time lord...that’s quite scary. When I look into your eyes, I feel like everything will be all right, and it hurts. It hurts to look in your eyes and feel that way and know…”

Rose’s hand reached up to touch the back of his hand. “Nothing’s certain. I’m still fighting, I promise. I just don’t mind if I die trying. If I die, I die fighting for you. For me, I’d rather go that way than anything else.”

“I don’t want you to go at all,” he breathed.

“I don’t either.”

His thumb traced her cheekbone. “I can’t believe I wasted every moment we had. I should have told you the moment I met you that I love you.”

“Doctor…”

“I love you, Rose Tyler. I can’t imagine ever not loving you. Hundreds of years, and you are the only thing I want out of all of time and space. And now it had to end like this…”

“It might not end, Doctor. But no matter what happens, I love you.”

The Doctor smiled at her words, the words she had been wanting to say for so long. They finally understood each other. Everything snapped into place. All the misunderstandings evaporated. The words had been said, and their hearts were finally aligned. 

The Doctor leaned in, gently pressing his lips to hers. He felt her fingers softly twist into his hair, pulling him closer to her. His hand slid across the wide expanse of her stomach, feeling the flutters of both the baby’s movements and Rose’s heartbeat. He felt her smiling underneath his lips, and he found himself laughing, sending her into a fit of giggles, and he pressed his forehead against hers.

“Oh, Rose...how did we get so off track?”

“I don’t know. I was just so afraid to say it...I didn’t know how you felt, and I couldn’t bear to think that you didn’t feel the same.”

“My Rose...I don’t think there was ever a time that I didn’t love you.” His lips found hers again, and he felt her pulling him onto the bed. Soon, they were both on their knees in his bad, arms grabbing at each other, lips scrabbling for purchase as their tongues warred with each other for dominance, tasting every inch it could. The Doctor felt Rose’s fingers fumbling with the buttons of his shirt, and he quickly slid off his tie and tossed it aside, letting his fingers dip once again beneath the hem of her shirt to feel the cool skin underneath.

Finally, she was sliding the shirt off of his arms, and her fingers danced across the planes of his chest, feeling the taut muscles clenched underneath. Her lips pulled away from his as she gasped for air, and he took advantage of this, sliding her shirt over her head, He kissed her shoulder just around the strap of her pink silk-covered bra. His fingers worked desperately to unclasp it, finally sliding the straps down her arms to feel her bare chest against his, her gasps in his ear.

His hands slid across her bare stomach. “Are you sure this is what you want, Rose? We can stop…”

“Don’t stop,” she said, pulling his lips back to hers. “Don’t ever stop.”

Her words brought a deep growl rippling through his chest as he unbuckled her jeans, pulling them off in one swift motion. His fingers dipped down, the wet heat of her turning him on even more, so much better than the one and only memory of her while he was fighting the chemicals in his own body. He slid two fingers into her, both of them groaning at the feeling. His thumb pressed lightly at the small bundle of nerves, causing her hips to buck up into his hand. 

“I’m yours, I’m all yours,” she gasped.

The Doctor lightly nipped at her lip, pulling his fingers back from her to pull off his own trousers. Finally, finally, she felt him pressed fully against her, feeling the softness and hardness of him against her. He pulled back from her lips, eyes locking with hers, questioning one last time.

“I love you, Doctor,” she whispered.

That was it. He couldn’t stop himself from pressing himself into her throbbing, wet core, and they both moaned in unison, even their heartbeats seemed in sync. The only thing keeping them from being pressed flushly together was the giant curve of her pregnant stomach. Slowly, he drew himself out, hearing her gasp before pressing himself in again, and began to pump in rhythm, his lips kissing and sucking at the skin on her neck as she lightly moaned in his ear, her fingers digging into the skin of his back. He took one of her hands, guiding it to his head, the feel of her fingers winding through his hair, pulling, it was intoxicating to him. 

His thrusts quickened as he struggled to keep them from becoming erratic. He couldn’t hang on for much longer, feeling her all around him. “Come with me, my Rose…”

“Doctor…” He felt her clench tightly around him, and he felt as though his entire body had burst open in that one moment. Her moan turned to a light scream as she let herself go, succumbing to the pulsing waves of her own orgasm, the tiny explosions making her thighs clench in ecstacy.

It was only moments later that they laid side by side, legs and arms tangled together, but it felt like an eternity. Each breath seemed to last a thousand years. 

“I don’t want this to end,” Rose whispered. “I want to stay here, in this moment, in this bed forever.”

“My Rose, I want the same thing.” His hand gently stroked her cheek as he smiled at her. He felt as though his chest could burst from the happiness he felt he could barely contain. Rose was here, in his arms, and she loved him.

She nuzzled into his chest, and he held her close, his nose burrowing into her hair, smelling the sweet scent of her. Their breathing slowly eased, and they both drifted off into the serenity of sleep.

~~~

“Was that your stomach, or did you swallow a lion?” The Doctor teased her when she awoke in his arms hours later. 

“Oh, hush, you.”

“I suppose we should get you something to eat, eh? It’s almost dinnertime. What are you up to?”

“Do you think we could go out? We’ve been in the vortex for two whole weeks now, I miss the fresh air.”

“Mmmm...yes, I think we could do with an outing. There’s a wonderful resteraunt in the 29th century, it’s situated overlooking a lake, it’s quite lovely. We could go there, have a proper dinner.”

“Sounds great, but I’d really hate to get dressed...I can’t do this with clothes on…” Her head dipped down to kiss the skin in the very centre of his chest, making him growl lightly.

“Rose,” he said, pulling her up, “if you do that, we won’t be leaving this room, and I can’t ignore your growling stomach. You need to eat, for you and the baby.” His fingers swept across her stomach, and she sighed.

“You’re right.”

“Of course I am.” He grinned at her.

Soon, they were both dressed and walking hand-in-hand down the hallway when they encountered Jack coming out of the library. “There you two are…” he took in the sight of their entwined fingers and the giant grin on the Doctor’s face. “Oh, FINALLY! I thought I would have to lock you both in the bedroom with a box of condoms until you both worked it out.”

“Little late for condoms, you cheeky git,” Rose said. 

“Hey, I don’t hear anyone complaining.”

“Oh, hush, we’re going out to eat.”

“Great! Sorry Doc, but I’ve been getting stir crazy being stuck on this ship.”

“Hey, if you’ve got a problem with the TARDIS..” the Doctor warned playfully.

“Not at all,” Jack said as they entered the control room. “I just happen to like seeing the sky every once in a while.”

Rose leaned with her back against the rail, watching Jack and the Doctor step up to the control panel. The Doctor tapped away at the screen, motioning for Jack to flip a switch on his side.

“I like the sky, too, thats why there’s the glass ceiling in the library where you just came from, may I remind you.”

Jack shook his head. “I mean sky as in what you see from Earth. Leave it to the alien…”

“Oy! I take offense to that!”

Rose smiled, but felt her knees begin to wobble underneath her, Her fingers wrapped tightly around the rail as she took a mental inventory of herself.

“Well, it’s true! You don’t seem to appreciate the beautiful sight of a bright blue sky with scattered white puffs of clouds.”

“Well, yeah, it’s pretty, but you can’t really compare that to being in space with millions of stars and planets shining all around you.”

“Doctor…”

Jack pressed a button as the Doctor slammed a gear with his mallet. “You’re telling me pitch black sky is better than a bright blue?”

“I’m not saying it’s not pretty, it’s just not natural. It’s the atmosphere. On Jalcaniea the atmosphere turns the sky a certain shade of green that I find lovely.”

“Doctor…”

“Now green sky, that’s not natural,” Jack said, pressing three more buttons.

“It is on Jalcaniea.”

“DOCTOR!”

Both men turned to Rose with confused looks. She stood there, looking at both of them with a furrowed brow. 

“I...I think that my water might have broken.”

The Doctor’s eyes slid down her body to see the liquid running down her leg, tinged slightly pink. He rushed over, catching her in his arms just as the first contraction overtook her body.

“Doctor...I think this is it....I think it’s time.”


End file.
